Spring break was exhausting.

The week was strewn with awkward middle-of-the-day appointments and my entire salary went to the vet.

I come home from work on Saturday night to find my apartment covered in scat and blood.

Apparently stress caused the Rottweiler to have a bacterial imbalance, and erm, yeah. Blood. Everywhere. It was disgusting.

I was on the phone with Madre Jansen while scrubbing the blood from the floor:

Me: “Ugh.”
Madre Jansen: “What’s wrong grasshopper?”
Me: “I’m scrubbing blood from the floor. The Rottweiler is having issues again. I’m going to vet.”
Madre Jansen: “This is getting expensive. Maybe you should give the dog back to the humane society.”
Me: “Ugh. We’ll see. I still want to make her into a handbag.”
Madre Jansen: “Maybe she’s on her period and – excuse my language – just a sloppy bitch.”

I laughed so hard that I almost dropped my phone in the blood.
Mom cursing = hilarity every time.

It was my third vet trip within a week. Harley did a good impression of my face when I saw the bill:

After wasting my entire salary at the vet, Judd and I went to a birthday party for one of his lesbian friends. The party had about 10 girls, cake, beer, an old dog, and the obligatory cat.

Today is Judd’s birthday. We had brunch at Lush, which is one of my favorite bars despite the sperm lamps:

We couldn’t resist attacking Judd with silly string outside, and I stole his credit card to pay my vet bill:


Aside from work, the vet, and the birthdays, we also got some theater time in with the lovely Jay and Josh.

We saw August: Osage County at St. Paul’s Ordway Theater.

I know this is odd, but I fell in love with the Ordway’s lamps. Behold:

The play was four hours long but felt like a hilarious, extended Jerry Springer episode.

The last major thing that happened this week was that I quit my clerkship in Anoka.

Anoka is 40 miles away from my job in Eagan. I am working in Eagan full time during the summer and a daily 80-mile round-trip commute is unrealistic.

My time at the public defender’s was a worthwhile experience, but this is supposed to be “the semester that I get my shit together.”

“Getting things together” hasn’t happened yet because I spend Thursdays and Fridays running around the metro with my 80-mile commute, work all of Saturday, and by Sunday I am so exhausted that I can barely finish the reading for my compressed 3-day school week.

I did the overloaded-schedule-thing last semester. I need to spend this semester preparing for my career as a barista-bartender-novelist-fitness trainer, and I now have time to do that…after I finish my tax law reading of course.