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September 2009
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Dennis Jansen

September 30th, 2009

Paula? Really?

Did my law school really just email me a picture of Paula Abdul?

I’m sure someone thought this was really cute…and, well, “reasonable minds could disagree.”

Stay classy, Minnesota.

“Inside Law” is the name of the law school’s password-protected student website. The law school realized that students were ignoring the copious amounts of spam email that it sent, so now we get a weekly email that directs us to check a website.

Personally, I think this is more annoying than sorting through the law school emails because it involves yet-another step in getting information. And I might be retarded but, I always get bewildered and confused by the law school’s website(s).

It’s a level of confusion up there with finding the right terminal at the airport…

September 30th, 2009

More brown faces

Note: I understand people are busy, so here are some cliffnotes for the rant:

  • Diversity Initiatives aimed at black students tend to assume that all black students are African American and have a shared background.
  • Diversity is more than a skin-color. The Persian or Korean student may have more to add than a “black” student who grew up in a “white” environment, but there is an arbitrary preference for the black student.

Today’s reading assignment for Employment law involved Title VII workplace discrimination claims.

I was reminded of the “I am not Tyrone” post that I wrote during the law school admissions process when I was worried about law schools balking at my lack of stereotypical African-American “blackness” because that was exactly what some schools were recruiting me for.

After the first day of orientation, my housemates pointed out that I was the only black person in our year.1 This was a recurring conversation during my 1L year, and I was amused that the lack of “diversity” bothered2 white students more than it did me.

This year the law school gave fee vouchers to black applicants and (surprise, surprise) we have more black students.

Several of our 50-some-odd transfers are also black. Of course the Black Law Students Association is thrilled, but I think the black students serve a dual purpose by giving the white students a piece of mind.3

Congratulations. You can feel like you go to a “diverse” school now.

Out of the seven 1Ls at the BLSA meeting, I think only one of them wasn’t mixed (ie, half/white or Asian) but Americans who want diversity for diversity’s sake care primarily about appearance of African-American ancestry.4

The most obvious example of this is our president, and the reaction of the African-American community to his election.

No one stopped to ask whether the son of white woman and an African immigrant bore anything more than a superficial relation to the African-American community.4 Obama is not the progeny of the people who have been oppressed in this country for 400 years any more than Bobby Jindal is.

And what about an Indian candidate? Would Jessie Jackson be as excited to see Bobby Jindal win the presidency? What if Jindal was married to a black woman? Would we have Jindal T-shirts at Urban Outfitters then?

The answer is no.

The civil rights movement opened the door for Jindal just as it did for people of every race and sex, but we would not have the same homecoming celebration for anyone that did not “appear” African-American because the focus on diversity is as superficial as the discriminatory practices it aims to counter.

Anyhoot, before I start parroting Michelle Malkin, let me just get to the holding5 of the post:

A diversity initiative is bigoted and backward if it simply seeks people of a particular skin color irrespective of whether that person truly represents the historically oppressed group that the diversity initiative is trying to promote.

If a Haitian-American student is eligible for the “black scholarship” then why not an Asian American? The only difference is that we didn’t historically oppress as many people that look like the Asian as much as we did people who look like the Haitian. Why should the Haitian benefit from this?

Sure, we aren’t going to inquire about a black person’s background to determine whether they are African American like we ask for tribal affiliation of a Native American. So why bother?

What is the point of recruiting black students, or persons of any minority status at all? Under the current system the half-black student raised in a white household gets a fee voucher and a tour, but the Persian or Korean applicant is ignored.

And I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate the diversity of my school., because I think it’s fascinating.

But to me the diversity includes the ignored minorities (the Persians, Koreans, Chinese), the variety6 of black students, and even the white students who come from different parts of the country and have different education/vocational backgrounds.

And I think it is sad that this diversity is lost on the students and administrators who are only looking for more brown faces.7


1 There are two others, but they were not as readily identifiable.
2 It annoys me that people refer to the lack of one minority group (blacks) as “a lack of diversity.” Nevermind the East-Asians, Indians, Hispanics, and Native Americans we have in our year – everyone wants to see Tyrone.
3 Not to say that being half-black somehow makes one “not black” but what I’m harping on is the assumption that all black people share the same African-American background, which is the only assumption that can justify the focus on the community. Do people really care about the Ethiopian or Somali students? If so, why are these people not equally thrilled by the amount of East-Indians and Koreans at our school?
4 Community organizing and marrying an African-Woman helps. I’m not saying that he’s not special for his own reasons, but the phrase “the first black president” implies “the first African-American president” rather than “the first Kenyan-American president.”
5 If blog posting interrupts my legal research I can use “Holding.”
6 Somali, Caribbean, black-white, black-filipino, black-Cuban…Africans…etc. Really this is a forest/for the trees statement. The “black” community is more diverse than your average person cares about.
7 These are the same people that don’t realize that Hispanics in Miami look more like Gloria, Enrique, and Pitbull than Carlos Mencia.

September 29th, 2009

Keys and Carrots

So I am in the parking garage by school, digging through my bag for my keys. Again.

I have a tumi bag. Tumi bags have way too many pockets. I’ve wasted many flustered hours in the parking garage, dumping my bag – legal pads and highlighters flying … and here I am again. Dammit.

I usually find my keys after 5 minutes or so, but not this time. I’m fumbling through my bag and about to let out a Charlie-Brown style ARGG! when my ziplock bag of carrots pops open and unleashes a horde of cut carrots onto the parking ramp.

The chopped carrots race the ramp. Passersby dodge the carrots and avoid eye contact lest I’m as crazy as I look. This is shaping up to be a pretty solid fail moment.

So, after 10 minutes and two bag dumps, I feel defeated and head back across the street to the law school.

It was only when I got inside the law school that I realize:

  1. It’s cold outside.
  2. I came to school with a jacket.
  3. My jacket is in my locker, and
  4. My keys are probably in my jacket.

Well hot damn.

I had lunch at the Purple Onion to make myself feel better.

And yes, the parking ramp was still covered in carrots when I came back.

September 28th, 2009

BWE: 2 & 3: Dating, School, balls in the air.

New readers: BWE (Best Week Ever) is a “week in review” post series, and no, this blog hasn’t gone NC-17: the title is a juggling reference.

The semester has definitely started. Week #2 was marked by my extremely off-kilter sleep schedule. I woke up every day between 2 and 4 a.m., read, went to class, and wasted my afternoons in a zombie-like state. This cycle was self-reinforcing and pretty awful.

That week I also started writing for The Shark, and was signed on as the University of Minnesota examiner for Examiner.com. I think this will be the extent of my online writing commitments.

I finally normalized my sleep schedule in week 3, and also made a commitment to walk Harley around a lake every day. I was good about keeping my promise…even if it involved dragging a very confused bulmastiff at a speed-walking pace 30 minutes before class.

And classes? They fit into three categories:

  1. Light Reading: (Employment Law and Modern Real Estate.) These subjects are easy after taking Property and spending my summer with ERISA and Worker’s Comp claims.
  2. Judicial WTF: (Conflicts and Constitutional Law II.) I decided that I have been over thinking both of these courses. The cases do not make sense because the judges are making stuff up to reach what they think it is right result (the dissents say as much). I have accepted this and I am going to quit trying to rationalize the opinions and just go with the arbitrary-as-heck frameworks.
  3. And then there’s Tax. Oh my goodness. I like all of my classes this semester, but Tax is probably my favorite. The only problem is that there is so much information. Sure, there’s Glenshaw, Glenshaw, Glenshaw… but my classmates and I are becoming alarmed by the sheer amount of content (cases, regulatory rulings, codes…) covered in class. I need to stay on top of outlining this course or else I am royally screwed.

My 17-credit class schedule is pretty front-loaded, which means that I spend the end of the week and some of the weekend at work. I really enjoy my job and hope to stay on after graduation…this will involve a combination of staying productive, luck (ie, they need to have an opening), and keeping the RuPaul moments to a minimum.

The past two weekends also involved a lot of hanging out. For some reason my social life has really kicked off this semester, and so has my dating life.

I generally don’t write about dating because a lot of the guys read this blog (hi!), but I think it’s fair to say that the guys I’m running into generally fit into three categories:

  1. The E-Ballers: These are the guys who are all about texting, messaging, and calling – what’s up cutie? – but then when we hang out in person, they act completely nonchalant and uninterested.
  2. The MIA: Unlike the E-Ballers, these guys are impossible to communicate with via text or messaging. Somehow, after one-line responses and neglect, we hang out  and they randomly channel Natasha Bedingfield. Maybe I’m only interesting in person?
  3. Bedingfields: These guys are uber-aggressive, all flattery with no tact. These are the guys lighting up my phone with texts, and in person they say things like, “You are the perfect guy for me.” …which, if I have only known you for a week really translates to “Hello, my name is crazy. RUN.”

And run I shall. An aggressive guy is nice, but please, don’t propose to me if you can’t remember my last name or what city I’m from. Ugh. We’ll see how things play out this week. Maybe someone will break the trend?

Please?

September 28th, 2009

Boomkat list: September

Jansen’s music charts.
Continue reading “Boomkat list: September” »

September 27th, 2009

The good passenger

I never have to coax Harley in the car…

Bullmastiff

Bullmastiff

…but the amount of time I spend vacuuming is ridiculous.

Bullmastiff

Continue reading “The good passenger” »

September 26th, 2009

5 steps to productivity

Is it that time of year? During the past week, I have received a disturbing number of angsty emails and direct messages from 1Ls along the line of “oh my god I’m drowning.”

Obviously my advice to “calm down, breathe, and just do” is falling on deaf ears so I’m going to give the panic crew an assignment, due by the end of next week: 5 steps to productivity.

1. Ditch the laptop.

Typically you do not need a computer to complete your reading assignments. Write the page numbers down on a piece of paper and leave the laptop in your locker. This way you can focus on Torts and Contracts, and not the fug blog, which is only mildly related to the tort of intentional infliction of emotional distress.

2. Ditch the briefing.

Some students cannot comprehend the material without awkwardly outlining the procedural posture of a case…which is fine. Judge free zone. Really.

But unless you are one of those people, you should consider book briefing.

Also cut the elaborate highlighting system. You’re a law student, not Rainbow Brite. It is much quicker to just write “BEST-INTERESTS ANALYSIS” or “PROCEDURAL POSTURE” in caps the margin than to color every-other sentence.

3. Make health non-negotiable.

Get eight hours of sleep, every day, or you will get swine flu. I promise.

I treat sleep like a non-negotiable appointment with a very unforgiving boss and schedule accordingly.

The same goes for food and exercise. If I sit around and eat crappy food, then I am less effective, and more prone to get cranky, become morbidly obese, and contract swine flu.

4. Monitor your time.

I use Windows Calendar to schedule my week.2

Like most people, I have reoccurring appointments scheduled for my classes, work, sleep, and buffer times.

What is equally important to scheduling your time is to record how you actually spent your time. I use a dark purple color to indicate “wasted time” and then write exactly what I “did” during those unproductive hours.

When I don’t get enough sleep, I can guarantee that my evening will be covered with the purple “crap time” designation. The blotches on my calendar alert me to the trend and help me correct course and avoid a self-reinforcing1 unproductive cycle.

5. Be conscious of what you are doing.

Do not try to convince yourself that you are working when you are not. Take your breaks, and then focus.

And don’t let characterizations fool you: a distraction is anything that halts your progress on what your are working on. For example, it took a long time for me to realize that news is entertainment, and just as much of a distraction. It was somehow unacceptable to spent 30 minutes on Bitter Lawyer or gossip blogs, but okay to spend two hours reading Gretawire or CNN.

I eventually realized that a suicide bombing in Afghanistan is about as relevant to me as Rihanna’s new dress and my professors do not care whether I am unprepared because I was reading a blawg, ABA News, or People of Wal-Mart.

These five steps should improve things. If you still feel stuck after a week or two, then you can email/dm me again and I’ll either try to help or refer you to wiser students.

More advice on No.634 is here.

 


1 Not getting enough sleep because I didn’t get my reading done, not getting the reading done because I’m tired…
2 Windows Calendar is similar to iCal and Outlook.

September 25th, 2009

Abortion, gore, and humor

Yesterday I read for Conlaw II at the Spyhouse. A full hour of Madonna’s 80′s hits was playing while I read stuff like:

After sufficient dilation the surgical operation can commence. The woman is placed under general anesthesia or conscious sedation. The doctor, often guided by ultrasound, inserts grasping forceps through the woman’s cervix and into the uterus to grab the fetus. The doctor grips a fetal part with the forceps and pulls it back through the cervix and vagina, continuing to pull even after meeting resistance from the cervix. The friction causes the fetus to tear apart. For example, a leg might be ripped off the fetus as it is pulled through the cervix and out of the woman. The process of evacuating the fetus piece by piece continues until it has been completely removed. A doctor may make 10 to 15 passes with the forceps to evacuate the fetus in its entirety, though sometimes removal is completed with fewer passes. Once the fetus has been evacuated, the placenta and any remaining fetal material are suctioned or scraped out of the uterus. The doctor examines the different parts to ensure the entire fetal body has been removed.

Gonzales v. Carhart, 550 U.S. 124, 136 (2007)

Bleh. The abortion segment of the Conlaw is my least favorite. But Professor L’s asides kept things light in class:

This is the most important class. Ever:

Professor L: “I’m sure you think about the 10th amendment all the time!”

Overhead issues:

Professor L: “Oh, I forgot to write this on the overhead…I guess I’ll fill it out more before I post it on the uh… um… internet or whatever they are calling it these days…”

(ten minutes pass, and she begins typing again)

Professor L: “I know I’m misspelling like crazy but…well, you guys can just deal with it…

Jill is about as blunt as Scalia:

Professor L: What does the court say about the respect for the culture of life?”
Jill: “You mean the part where the court just makes stuff up?”

See also, On The Record: Professor L

September 24th, 2009

Toot, toot

Bitter Lawyer has released a list of its favorite law students and I’m on it! Vöt!

For those of you living under a rock, Bitter Lawyer is a legal entertainment website which includes a ton of hilarious top 10 lists and videos.

September 24th, 2009

OTR: Tidbits

Mixed bag today:

It was 10 minutes before the end of class in Real Estate Law, but the professor must have seen the blank looks on our faces:

Professor E: “Hm. I think I’ve wreaked enough havoc for today.”

Professor V found a quote on one Justice’s expectations of the law:

If there is one thing that the people are entitled to expect from their lawmakers, it is rules of law that will enable individuals to tell whether they are married and, if so, to whom.” Justice Frankfurter, dissenting, in Estin v. Estin. 334,US 541 552 (1948).

And I appreciated Justice Harlan’s comment on Due Process in the Conlaw reading:

“The Due Process Clause stands, in my opinion, on its own bottom.” Concurring in Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 US 479

The law in that case involved a ban on contraceptives for married couples. Even Justice Stewart’s dissent acknowledges how crappy the law is: “I think this is an uncommonly silly law.”