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January 2010
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Dennis Jansen

January 31st, 2010

BWE 2: Chaos, “being social” and fair-weather suitors

Note: Best Week Ever (BWE) posts are a summary of the prior week.

This week had a surreal vacationy feel. It was like spring-break minus the nice weather.There was Trivia, yarking drag queens, dancing, and intense pool tournaments.

On Friday, I somehow found myself at a house party in the exurbs. There were about 8 people, but I only knew Jack. After an unsuccessful game of Categories, Jack’s friends separated into small groups and started bickering.

It was a chaotic scene that felt like an episode of The Real World because the partygoers kept interrupting their trash talk to give me back story as if I was one of the confessionals.

The hostess and her boyfriend fought mostly because he didn’t like her tone, which she couldn’t control because she was drunk. They were too crunk for Jesus to communicate properly, so there was a lot of running around to separate rooms, screaming, and dramatics.

One guy kept rattling on about his most recent trip to jail, and another girl spent a hour telling me an epic story about her evil Russian stepmother. The girl’s stepmother stories apparently enraged one of the partygoers who started mumbling dark threats and eventually went up to the girl and shouted, “NO ONE LIKES YOU! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE! YOU’RE A BITCH!”

This happened as she stood near the hostess’s awkward apartment-mate, who spent most of the evening by himself playing shoot-em-up video games. The gamer and I exchanged a look like “oh snap, thank god we aren’t involved in this….”

Aside from my social activities and Real World cameos, I also worked on my days off from school.

Apparently this is what I look like when I get a securities regulation case at work:

Unamused

I really like my job, but I hope that if they hire me after graduation that my coworkers won’t wear hot pink skinny pants. Amber was so shocked by the pepto bismol pants on Friday that she sent me an emergency text. It was glorious.

I spent most of my non-working time this weekend cleaning and doing homework. Today I went to Dunn Brothers to study for corporate tax, but I failed to notice that there were no open seats until after I ordered my coffee. So I chugged the coffee and went to the Purple Onion, which is closer to campus.

Unamused

The cafes immediately surrounding campus aren’t busy at the beginning of the semester since the undergrads are still doing more drinking than reading. They complete the transition from bars to books about a week before finals, so there is room for me for majority of the semester.

The last major thing that happened this week was the end of the relationship.

The cattle call started once my “single” status hit people’s facebook streams – dozens1 of casual friends who barely kept in touch while I had a boyfriend are suddenly coming out of the woodwork and are desperate to “hang out.”

I am like the 10-year old girl who is suddenly popular because she is the first one in her class to use a training bra. I feel suspicious and harassed essentially for the reasons stated in this post.

Over the coming weeks I will weed out the true friends from the fair-weather suitors. We’ll see how that goes.


1 Literally, dozens. My inbox is full. You’d think Beyonce was on auction or something…

January 31st, 2010

Queens and breakups

Last night I went to the softball fundraiser at The Eagle. The drag queens were hilarious, but one was so drunk that she had to take emergency “powder room” breaks to vomit. We stay classy in Minneapolis…

Doesn’t Buffy look just like Suze Orman?

Minneapolis Drag Queens

Minneapolis Drag Queens

Minneapolis Drag Queens

The boyfriend also broke things off last night.1 We talked by the bar as a drag queen darted behind us to throw up in the bathroom. The timing was great.

It was one of those moments where I felt like an actor in someone else’s movie. All that was missing was “Done with you” slowly fading in and the start of the credits.

Actually, if I was directing, Adele’s “Tired” would come on and I would perform it Bollywood style with a pack of yarking drag queens in the background. That would be awesome.


1 The breakup was amicable and unsurprising. My corporate and international tax books are currently battling as to which class gets to be my rebound.