I try so hard not to be “bitchy gay guy” and then I run into people like this: I’m at SuperAmerica and pass an overly-tan girl and her pale friend. Overly-tan girl stares me down and when I pass her I hear her whisper to Casper:

Overly-tan girl: “Hah! And people call me orange!”

Before I can catch myself, I have an “oh hell nah” moment, twirl around, and say,

Me: “Excuse me, I’m black. And you are orange. The oompa-loompa look isn’t cute.”

Casper cackles.
I strut off.