Sick of being fashionably fat

I sucked it in like Mariah Carey at school today. I wore a snug shirt as a motivation to go to the gym. This is an old Dr. Phil trick based on the theory that discomfort is an incentive for change.

Most of us buy bigger clothes when we gain weight. We hang out with less athletic friends, pick up passive activities (that involve butter and booze), and do everything possible to be comfortable in our obesity.

With stores like Lane Bryant and Torrid it is possible for girls be fashionably fat, and it is far easier for guys to buy a bigger button-down and some Aldos to look presentable.

I’m tired of being merely presentable.

I have been in the mid-190-pounds range since last fall and I’m over it. I am through being the fashionable fat boy. I’m sick of being Jordin Sparks. It’s time to go Beyoncé:

Bam!

I’m leaving the 190′s in the next two weeks using two simple steps:

  1. Clean eating
  2. Daily exercise

That’s right. Operation Shrink a Gut: Season II just started. Where’s Brandon?

Weekly updates coming…

Stereotypes: Aisle 12

I am not one of those perpetually offended minorities. Being pissed and victimized all the time is exhausting and conflicts with my personal motto of “I have a good disposition.”

So I was more giggles than “oh no they didn’t” upon seeing this at the Quarry’s Rainbow Foods:
Hispanic Stereotype

One of my undergraduate friends refused to buy her hair products at stores that had an “ethnic hair care” section. She thought the separation was offensive, especially since only black hair products were in the “ethnic” section.

I think my friend’s boycott was overdramatic, but I could imagine some similar racial-indignation arising out of Rainbow’s Hispanic food aisle. There is nothing wrong with grouping the Hispanic food together, but the inclusion of piñatas and religious candles is like putting the weave by the cracklins, and Buddha statutes by the curry.

BWE 10: My week in pictures

What a busy, hilarious week. There is too much to write about, so I am settling for pictures and captions. This is choppy, but appropriate given the state of things…

This week featured a massive iced-tea spill at the office. Amber is cackling as I run to fetch napkins:
Thomson Reuters
That day I took the long route to work from Judd’s house just to see the Cathedral of Saint Paul:
St. Paul Cathedral
I spent the rest of Saturday at work so today I held myself hostage on campus until I finished my homework. I have never done so much tax law reading in my life. I started my epic study-day at the purple onion cafe:
Purple Onion Cafe
I was so thrilled that “homeless guy who reads aloud to himself” didn’t bother me this time! I was good about avoiding eye contact and glaring at my tax book…

I also decided that if I donate to the law school I will require that my donation be used to give the law school an entrance like this:
U Minnesota
Swank! The other side of campus gets all of nice buildings…

I take the dogs on walks around the nice-side of campus all the time. And no, I haven’t been successful yet in getting Judd to take the Rottweiler:
Juddson
…maybe I should throw in some fava beans and a nice chianti…

One of the places I visited on the nice-side of campus was the Walter Library. Behold:
Walter Library
Sigh. The undergrads have all the nice facilities… I have never taken a picture of the law school library because you’d scream.

One of my undergraduate bosses told me that I should have attended graduation because it would have given me a sense of closure. Today I realized he was right. My 1L year felt like a continuation of college in some ways, but today I looked at the undergrads and thought, “Who are these awkward, smelly people and how the hell was I ever one of them?”

I think a semester in a frat house and some boomkats was warranted after three years as a resident assistant at the University of Miami, but now I live alone in a nice (albeit ghettotastic) apartment building and I have a reliable car, a job, an adoring (and not yet freaked out) boyfriend, and two dogs, including this one:

Rottweiler
After I almost hawked her to a classmate at the Lake of the Isles, Gertrude said “Oh, wait, this is supposed to be a run? I’ll give you a run fool!” And she wore me out. I think it was part ‘earning her keep’ and partially revenge for me trying to pass her off on someone else.

But seriously, does anyone want a Rottweiler or a bullmastiff? They are making me batty…
Dennis Jansen