It’s late. Matt, Brett, Hair, Swan, and I are outside of Jetset bar. Brent and Hair are smoking. Hair looks bored. Matt wants to leave.

I leave the group to go to the restroom. When I come back outside I see Alig out of the corner of my eye.

Alig is your run-of-the-mill¹ skeezy club rat, sort of like the club kids in Party Monster, except this is Minneapolis so half the time Alig is in track shoes and ill fitting shorts.

Reputation-wise, Alig is the equivalent of WMD or Pig Pen from the Peanuts: the tragic hot mess of the city who will soil anyone he talks to like broken septic tank. Behold:

SO OF COURSE, Alig locks his eyes on me and slithers over. Alig blocks me from my table and says “Hey.”

Me (Panicking): “…uh, hi.”
Alig: “Hi. I’ve never seen you before.”
Me: “…oh, but everyone’s seen you…”
Alig: “What was that?”
Me: “Oh, nothing. Hi. How are you?”
Alig: “I’m better now that you’re here. You’re cute.”
Me: “Oh, it’s just fairy dust and good lighting.”
Alig: “No, it’s more than that…”

I look over at my table. Everyone is glaring at me. Matt is shaking his head and Swan is mouthing “NO! NO! GET! GET AWAY! DRA-MA!”

Me: “So it was nice meeting you. I need to get back to my friends…”
Alig: “No. I know what your friends say about me. I know what everyone says about me. And people in this town blow things up. What they say is not true. I am a for-real guy.”
Me: “I’m sure, but, well, I need to get back…”
Alig: “Seriously. I am the real shit right here, and I think you’re cute.”
Me: “That’s nice.”

I am not making any progress, so I flash a smile at Alig and discretely motion Matt with my hand.

Matt: “Hi. My friend and I need to go.”
Alig: “No. I am not done yet.”

Matt gasps.

Me: “You know, he’s my driver, and I don’t really have a choice, but I am SURE I’ll see you out again. Toodles!”
Alig: “Just remember. I’m real.”

Okay, Jenny.

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¹ He is the guy who you always see at the bar, no matter what day or time. He gogo dances at one place, gets sloppy at another, and is always guaranteed to be a hot, tragic mess.