Summer school started yesterday. Physical Evidence is my only course. It is 2 ½ hours long, twice a week, and is all presentations from guest speakers.
Our first presenter was an expert on polygraph tests. The theme was that polygraphs don’t work and have no scientific foundation. And apparently polygraph testers purposefully ask embarrassing questions, like “Do you masturbate in front of a mirror?”
And yes, that was the actual example that the expert used. The expert’s theory was that virtually all men have masturbated in front of a mirror. And apparently the one guy who hasn’t is in trouble:
Expert: “If you haven’t then you’ll fail the polygraph test. You want to have masturbated in front of the biggest mirror you could find. And hopefully you feel really crummy about it! So if you haven’t masturbated in front of a mirror you’re screwed!”
I understand that he wanted to liven up the presentation, but hearing the expert repeat the phrase “masturbated in front of a mirror” dozens of times was just awkward and uncomfortable.
Luckily the expert switched examples after about 20 minutes and replaced mirror masturbation with a more explicit version of “raped Suzie.” Charming…
Today’s topic was eyewitness testimony. The expert is an professor at the University of Arkansas Law School. He was engaging, direct, eloquent, and obviously had some prior litigation and public speaking training.
The only problem is that the length of the class makes the last 20 minutes terrible. I would even get bored with Kathy Griffin after two hours without a break.
Time slows down Matrix-style. People start taking bathroom breaks. One person falls asleep. Others fidget. It’s like the last part of Avatar, and rough, especially since the professor has expressly banned all internet use in class.
Next week I will bring some sort of non-obnoxious snack as a crutch for the end of class. Grapes maybe. I’m not sure. Someone had food on the first day, but he also belched during class, so I’m not following that lead. Don’t worry, I’m not going there…