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June 1st, 2010 She’s from finals, but I forgot to post the picture here: Poor thing. May 16th, 2010 Here’s an outline of my spring semester. A lot happened… January: The semester starts.
February: Things get busy…and snowy.
March: Height of the semester.
April: The batshit-crazy begins.
May: Finals, breakups, and parties…
May 12th, 2010 The corporate tax exam was a 3 hour typing contest. My goodness. The semester is almost over. Tomorrow I will take my 24-hour advanced estate planning exam, which is my last final. This is more exciting than a McFlurry in July. Bam-chicka-wow! I finally cleaned my finals-ridden apartment after my exam and then socialized with RJ and the Bretts. We eventually end up at Brett #1’s apartment with Gumby and Gander in tow. Gumby is a random 22 year-old that Brett picked up in the bar, and Gander is one of Brett’s neighbors. Gander lives near Brett #1 and was walking his French bulldog. We only ran into Gander because his bulldog decided that it HAD to go sniff the entrance for Brett’s apartment building. Brett was all, “Who is this random hobo in front of my building??” and RJ was all, “HEY I KNOW YOU!” So Brett invited Gander up, and his Bulldog inspected the apartment and promptly shat on the floor. Delicious. The real entertainment of the night was watching Gumby hit on Brett #2, who is adorable, but painfully shy. Gumby was crunk for Jesus1 and Brett #2 tried to say “GET AWAY FROM ME RANDOM SLIMEBALL!” in the most polite way possible. It went something like this:
Best post-exam unwind ever. 1 Embarrassingly drunk. May 11th, 2010 I have two looks right now. Crazy hobo ala “I will boil your rabbit”: As far as my exam prep… I think I am fried. No, I KNOW I am fried because I will study a chapter of the book, listen to a recording of the class for that chapter, and then when I look at a problem in the book:
I am marching across the river to the law library, printing the final version of the outline, and hoping that Red Lobster has a position for me as a line cook. May 10th, 2010 I did it – I took my 8-hour international tax law exam today! BAM-chickawow-wow! I can’t talk too much about the exam (lest my Dean unleashes the Kraken) but I can say three things:
I took my exam at the nearby undergrad library because apparently law students need “special permission from the dean” to take law school exams in the law school library’s study rooms. Most “take-home” exams are 8-hours long and the study rooms are reservable for 6-hour stretches, but heaven forbid that the exam-studiers are deprived of those 2-hours in the study room by someone actually taking an exam… Anyway, it’s 3:55pm when I race back to the law library to print my exam. I just spent 7 hours and 45 minutes typing my brains out. I have 15 minutes to turn in the exam that I just spent the entire day on AND I REALIZE THAT I DO NOT HAVE MY STUDENT I.D. TO PRINT! I am mortified. I let out a yelp, steam, and start to melt, wicked witch style, into a little mud puddle of fail. I am right there, helpless, in the middle of the library… a tiny poo-like puddle of fail staining the the library carpet… sing it with me now… I was only able to print the exam thanks to the magic of our sassy librarian, but I still had to go home to change my diaper afterward. My goodness… I still haven’t found my student card, but at least Wednesday’s corporate tax law exam is computerized. Hmmf. May 9th, 2010 Stella and I are holed up at Starbucks studying for finals. I will finish my outline for Wednesday’s corporate tax law exam tonight and see if I need more than one day to prepare. I think I just need to force myself to take these self-scheduled exams early lest I focus on too many irrelevant/obscure things. I think 80% of finals prep is a waste of time, so I am trying (desperately) to be more efficient. …and crazy “reads aloud in foreign languages” hobo is here. He’s usually at the Purple Onion but decided to make a guest appearance at Starbucks to distract us. He was reading in Arabic, now he’s reading aloud in Italian, and we are pretty sure he doesn’t speak either language. I don’t know what’s going on, but after a few more hours in the treasury regulations I might start speaking in tongues too… Oh, and Starbucks had “happy hour” today, which meant half-priced beverages and a line that stretched outside of the door for the better part of 2 hours: May 8th, 2010 See, in law school Saturdays are off the chain. Behold: I finally got cracking on studying for international tax law today. I am close to halfway through. Maybe. I will put in a few more hours at home because Dunn Brothers is about to close, and the Barista looks like she’s about to crack some heads open to clear the place out… Last night Juddson and I saw Iron Man II at the fancy theater in St. Louis Park. I did not care for the first Iron Man movie, but the sequel was exciting. It had a plot. It had action. There was character development, decent special affects, and the obligatory Kill-Bill style female-kick-ass scene. Vöt!. After letting the dogs out, we went to Stadium Village and ate at Bona, a Vietnamese restaurant, where the waitress would not make eye contact with us. When we got back to my car, I opened my trunk and fetched a bottle of mouthwash. The mouthwash was needed because I did not have any gum and my freshness was compromised by the onion-licious dinner. As I dug through my trunk for the mouthwash, a random girl parked at the meter behind us spoke:
Juddson was unamused, but we didn’t want poor Mei-Ling to be raped and murdered, so he fetched gum from the market across the street while I waited for Mei-Ling’s father to show up. We were late for Jeff’s shindig, but we were tardy because we are gentlemen. The shindig was at Jetset, which was actually busy for once. Jetset is mostly a stand, pose, and bitch bar. Naturally, we did all three. There was even a guest appearance by Mobs, who is done with his two finals. And yes, I hissed at him. Ugh… Juddson insists that it snowed when we left Jetset. I didn’t notice, but I discovered at work today that the bananas I left in my trunk had frozen. It was like dessert. Mm… Of course I am tired now, but I will attempt to rally and get more international tax studying done. Possibly, maybe. We’ll see. One more week and finals are done. Woo… Update – I did not finish this post before I left Dunn Brothers. I leave the cafe and call Phillp while driving home. I park in front of my building and say,
I am already outside of my car when a smoking car comes barreling down the street. The driver stops less than a foot behind my bumper. I make eye contact with the driver as I fetch my books from my backseat. The driver looks like he is holding his breath. The driver then opens the door and THROWS UP ALL OVER THE STREET. I avoid eye contact and scurry into my building.
Ugh. Damn it. I am going to bed. Update II: So of course the second I go to bed my apartment is floodlit by a fire truck, randomly parked in front of the building…I am so over this neighborhood… May 7th, 2010 I think I overdid it yesterday. Yesterday, the sweet sound of garbage trucks woke the dogs up at 5am. I walked the monsters, snuck off to the library, and took my Family Law exam at 8:30. After the exam I channeled Jillian Michaels for two hours at the gym, walked the dogs again, and then (somehow) ended back in the library to print of copious amounts of international tax law regs. By 10pm I realized that I was too tired to get any more studying done, so my international tax exam will have to wait until next week. Drats. I think the second library trip was a little too much because this morning I wake up with a runny nose and I am terrified that I managed to get myself sick. I cannot be sick because I have a hot date social plans tonight. So I skipped to CVS before work and went through that embarrassing ordeal where I have to explain to the pharmacist that “No, I am not, in fact, going to use these cold pills to cook meth. NOW GIMME THE PILLS AND NO ONE GETS HURT!” Well, the speed/meth/whatever pills worked, and I feel great. It was a snot-free and productive day at work, although the characters in today’s cases were stranger than usual.1 Tonight’s social activities include Iron Man II, dinner, and then Jeff’s birthday at Jetset. Oh, and snow. That’s right. Snow. There are tulips and dandelions all around and we are getting SNOW. Bejesus. I predict famine and pestilence. 1 For example, from a social security case:
The plaintiff then tried to get benefits because of her mental impairments and depression, and the judge was all, “you play softball so you’re fine. Go away.” That’s how we do things folks. May 6th, 2010 My family law exam is done! Bam-chika-wow-wow… The problem with my international tax law class is that it is far more regulation dense than my corporate tax law or basic federal tax law courses. Things also tend to get “mathy.” Ick. And, unlike corporate tax law, I suspect that much of what we covered in international tax is obscure and non-enforceable from the IRS’s standpoint… this means I am sitting at Dunn Brothers looking like I might be suffering late-onset retardation. I might be drooling. This isn’t cute. I am going to drag myself back to the law library, print off 100-or-so pages of the tax code and treasury regulations, and hope that I am able to rally after a nap… fuh. We’ll see how this goes. At least one is out of the way? 1 This may have something to do with the garbage trucks jolting me awake at 5am and then kicking my ass at the gym after the exam. May 5th, 2010 Class ended (I’ll get to that later) and my first final is tomorrow. Here are some pictures to prove that this finals season isn’t all about junkies and gloom: I keep seeing accidents while skating around the lakes. First it was the bridge fail, and now:  And I am not going to perpetuate stereotypes by mentioning who the driver of that van was…but yes, I noted. It has rained a lot recently, well, not “Nashville a lot” but “Minnesota a lot” … so I get to drive to work with puffy Simpsons clouds when it’s not storming: 
I have also enjoyed a few quiet late-night walks back to the law school from the Walter library:  Well, okay, maybe “enjoy” isn’t the right word. Of course I am worried about getting mugged, and I only make it to the law library to find an outrageous lack of staples. NO STAPLES DURING FINALS? GASP! Ring the alarm! This is an issue of great national concern! I want a tuition refund, reparations, and a biscuit for my inconvenience. And finally, because I forgot to post it and it makes me say “awe” … Judd and his dog Pea Soup:  Awe! I think he may post a few unflattering pictures of me on his blog in retaliation.1 I somehow have managed to get things done far enough in advance to avoid any stress. The workout and eating regime are still in place and I discovered the joy of decaf cold pressed coffee. No procrastination, good diet, lack of caffeine addiction… holy shit, you guys, THEY WERE NOT KIDDING! You know that whole “take care of yourself and prosper” crap the Student Life office tried to push on us in undergrad? It’s true! WHO KNEW? And why did it take me until halfway through law school to realize this? Bejesus… 1 And before you get in a tizzy, When I say “unflattering” I mean Jessica Simpson-(ho ho jelly roll!)-unflattering rather than Kim Kardashian-(you really thought that tape wouldn’t leak?)-unflattering. |
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