So much happened spring semester. I started the semester in this weird place between college and “adulthood” – buses, cafes, living in a frat house in the UMN student village –shuffling to school through snow and ice…
My career counselor at the law school asked me if I thought No634 will ruin my chances of getting hired at a prestigious law firm. I’m really not worried about it. If ATL can recognize that most of my posts are mundane, then so will most employers.
They’ll probably appreciate the full disclosure and trust I won’t share the dog stories with the clients, or the client’s stories with my readers.
This summer I’m working, petitioning, taking classes, and training the MTC marathon. We’ll see how this goes…
And as promised, an outline of my 1L spring semester is after the jump.
This will hopefully provide an overview of the year and make my archives more accessible. The bullet points are linked to posts. This outline is not exhaustive, but hits the highlights of the year.
Blogging is a cumulative thing. And times like this, it is awesome to have a blog because I just finished my first year of law school and I have a record of my year. I forgot about most of the things I wrote about, and it’s nice to have a record somewhere.
So yes, I’m sitting here with a diet A&W and paging1 through my archives (cue the Wonder Years theme song) and I must say, my first year of law school was an extremely fun and hilarious experience.
An outline of fall semester is after the jump. The bullet points are linked to posts. This will hopefully provide an overview of the year and make my archives more accessible. This outline is not exhaustive, but hits the highlights of the year.
The grass started turning green a month ago, but the trees have remained leafless – until this week. Sometime overnight all the trees decided to blossom.
It’s as if the mayor pressed some secret spring button.1
I feel like I’m in some parallel Paula Dean Garden universe. I got so used to winter that I forgot that there are other seasons…
Harley and I spent the week exploring the extensive park system in the neighborhood. The amount of parks, lakes, and nature trails surrounding downtown is ridiculous.
I suspect I moved back to Germany and no one has told me yet, especially when I look at the Fachwerk houses in the neighborhood:
I need to stop bringing coffee on these walks. The same thing happens every time: I start the walk with a cup of coffee and when we are 4 or 5 miles from home I realize “oh shit, I need to pee.”
This is of course the point when Harley gets tired and is all, “wait, why are we rushing all of the sudden?”
He then decides that every tree, squirrel, and gardener is worth inspection.
My bladder starts crying…and disaster strikes.2
And don’t be fooled by the “Minnesota Nice” stereotype – even Minnesotans will give you filthy looks when you’re raging down the street, screaming “GOD DAMN DA COFF-FAAAY!!!” while grabbing your crotch and dragging a 100lb dog…
There have been plenty of times this week when I’ve wanted to scream upon getting home. Harley has started trashing the apartment.
I tweeted about the destruction and was directed by @Karpul to this article on the Humane Society Website. The topic? Dog Separation Anxiety. The gist? He’s destroying the apartment because he misses me and loves me.
Now before you say “awe” remember I am not seeing love when I’m cleaning up shredded novels marinating in puddles of piss.
And of course the article says scolding the dog will ONLY MAKE IT WORSE!
Well… crap!
You mean I come home to a destroyed, pee-soaked apartment and I can’t bitch at anyone? This is supremely unfair.
And the most ridiculous thing is that Harley didn’t start this chaos until recently. I guess that means he didn’t like me enough before…
In order to help him adjust, I decided to study at Dunn Brothers today. I left Harley a pork bone and hoped for the best. Of course he completely demolished the kitchen – broke dishes, dragged the trash everywhere, and then pissed all over the front door.
And no, he did not need to pee – we had gone on a two hour walk this morning. Minneapolis is perfumed with this dog’s pee. It was pure spite…or according to the humane society, yellow love…
However, Harley’s size did fail to keep the crazy away this week – we were walking in Uptown (on Lyndale) when I saw this sketchtastic guy sitting at a bus stop across the street.
He was bald, pasty-white, emaciated, and had no eye brows ala Alexander Litvinenko (or Powder) and of course STARING RIGHT AT ME.
So I smiled politely and directed Harley down the street. Of course a few blocks later I see that powder had crossed the street and was storming down the sidewalk right behind us! I have seen waaay too many zombie movies for this to be okay. Seriously, this guy looked like the last day of chemo…or day 28…
So I took a sharp turn and literally RAN down the block as much as I could before he made it to the corner. What the hay…
The sprint worked, but I ran into the creep at another bus stop on Hennepin. He glared at me from across the street. I wondered if Harley would catch whatever that guy had if Harley decided to eat him…
In addition to running from zombies and cleaning up pee, I took my first final exam this week. The subject was Property, and it was not as horrible as everyone expected. My only grief is that there were NO future interests/estates problems! Not a single one!
All that time spent on learning the vesting categories? A waste.
The $20 I spent on the supplemental future interest book? An utter waste…especially since I barely looked at the book…
Tomorrow is my Criminal Law Final, and Friday is Corporations. Crimlaw is strangely pleasant to study…which is odd given how incredibly dull that class was…
I’ve also spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about “what kind of law I want to practice” and decided that it’s a silly question. I am not so limited in my interests that I wouldn’t be perfectly content practicing in most fields. I know that seems sacrilegious to say, but I don’t think I’m the only person who likes law enough to be happy in most fields…
Heck, I think most students at my school would be open to most areas of law. And most of us feel silly when lawyers (and parents, and friends) ask us what field we want to practice in, since the first year of law school gives us no clue of what private practice is actually like.3
There are a few former Business School kids and future public defenders who know exactly what they want to do (to the exclusion of all other opportunities) but most of us have no idea…
The real question is what type of firm will hire me? I love my school, but I’m aware of its limitations. UMN is reputable enough that nearly everyone will pass the bar, but not so prestigious that everyone will have a job upon graduation.
The point (for me at least) isn’t to get a prestigious job just because that’s what everyone else is doing. My goal is to have a career that allows me to do challenging work and pay off my student loans before I’m 40.
…oh, and a job that allows me to afford dog training…since I’m sick of this yellow love business.
1 I’m pretty sure it’s between the “easy” button and the Taco Bell button. 2 And I can’t tie him up and run into a coffee shop or something because I always feel like a horrible dog owner doing that… plus I’m sure there’s some sort of ordinance against that. 3 I think that’s why next year’s 1Ls will be required to take a “work of the lawyer” course.
Moving in was a painfully slow process because of classes, work, and the furniture situation: I only rented a single room at the Gamma house so I had to buy and assemble most of the furniture for the apartment. And assembling furniture is not1 my forte…
A dog walk is what sent me to the ER the second time – Harley lunged after a squirrel in the park and the leash jerked me so violently that the bullet shifted to a new, painful position.
After six or seven hours of neglect I was finally metal-free. I feel like a B-list celebrity in a Jenny Craig commercial who says “I feel lighter than ever before!”
Yes. Thanks to the new Bullet-X plan…zap that metal in your mid-section!
Although I’m actually not lighter than ever before because my running schedule was completely annihilated by “the whole getting shot thing.”
I’m going to let the stitches and the gunshot wound heal for a few more days, and then I’m back to training. Vöt!
1Yes, that was me strangling my Ikea instruction sheet in the middle of night going “ARGG!” The dog would wake up, roll his eyes, fart, then go back to sleep.
2 THAT wasn’t awkward at all… what was awkward however was that kids from Section Fail (who we have crimlaw with) were plotting to piss me off so I would write about them…who does that? Hi.
The end is near! This past week was the week of changes and drama. Finals are creeping closer and so is the law review petition…
Oh and classes are still going on apparently. Most of my section has become impatient with classes. Here’s a rundown:
Crimlaw is a waste of time. Even the “nice” girl has stopped reading Crimlaw and simply outlines during class. We can tell that our professor is extremely knowledgeable, but he is a thoroughly inept teacher. Our professor is also late for almost every class. What the hey?The whole Crimlaw experience is exacerbated by Billy Scratch N’Sniff. Scratch N’Sniff (SNS) is a boy from the other section who spends the entire class periodscratching his nether regions. Yes, even during the double-session we had on rape. Actually, the sex crime topic prompted an unusual amount of participation from SNS…it was bizarre. And yes, he was scratching as he opined about rape. The horror…
Corporations has really picked up. Several of my friends refused to take corporations because of Professor M’s verbal ticks1 but the professor has really relaxed and the stuttering has almost disappeared. The class is usually amusing, with Professor M taking plenty of pot-shots at the Delaware courts. I love it.
Property is a death march. I really like the subject but the class has become tedious. Professor P has a stiff, mechanical style and is relentless when questioning students.It’s really painful to watch. When a student doesn’t know the answer to a question, Professor P simply repeats the question. Over, and over. Have you ever seen two kids do that, “Yeah-huh, nuh-uh, yeah-huh” bit? That’s how questioning feels in Property. Today’s class was especially brutal. please let it be over soon…
But there is always Civil Procedure. I have been preaching the gospel of Professor V since last semester, but most of the section hasn’t come around until this semester. Professor V is the best professor ever and has amazing powerpoints. Today’s slides started with a Yogi Berra quote. Past classes have featured Diana Ross and Anna Nicole. I love it…although we’ve spent so much time on Erie/Hanna analysis that it better be on the exam…
On Thursday I was the distraught 1L in computer services when my laptop suggested that OneNote had deleted ALL OF MY NOTES. Yeah. I was almost the kid howling “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” in the study carrels. My laptop then proceeded to do this:
Unacceptable. Everything turned out alright, but I could have done without the 20 minutes of remmidemmi…
Things in the Gamma house have deteriorated ever since the trashing. The housemates are divided into two camps. People are pissed off and it is getting hard to be civil to Slovenly Housemate.
I tried really hard to be accommodating. But I’ve had to walk over too many beer bottles, pizza boxes, and Coke Zero cans. Slovenly’s friends are also annoying people and over WAY too much.
Charity stops here. I’m pissed off.2
There is going to be a contested election for house president within the next two weeks, but I’m done. I’m moving out after finals. I refuse to live in filth.
I visited an apartment building today that I’m probably going to move into. There were two apartments for rent. The first unit was a dank place on the bottom floor that rents for $575, and the second unit was a huge place on the top floor that rents for $650 a month.
The problem is that the huge apartment is…well, huge. Like, “I entertain” huge.
I’m negotiating a lease right now. We’ll see how it goes.
The building allows dogs, which is crucial. I need a canine running partner.
I arrived for the apartment showing a bit early so I stood outside of the building while talking on the phone. While I was on the phone, a lady left the apartment building with two small dogs.
I was on the phone with Jack and mentioned that the humane society has a lot of pitbulls on its website. My main concern is that a formerly abused pitbull is going to have a flashback and rip my throat out in my sleep. EXTRA: MINNEAPOLIS LAW STUDENT MAULED TO DEATH. DUMBASS ADOPTED AN ABUSED VICIOUS DOG.
Of course potential-neighbor-lady overheard this and started writing down websites where I can find non-throat-ripping dogs. She then detailed the various substance abuse3 problems of the tenants. It looks like it’s going to be an interesting experience…
This was definitely the week of changes. In addition to the apartment hunt, I gave up Splenda and started running because I signed up for a marathon. The marathon is in October, but I’m training now. My first run was 3 miles. The next morning I was so sore that I thought “OH MY GOD I BROKE MYSELF!”
I bitched at myself for a good half hour before I went back and ran 6 miles. The 6 miles were not as painful as I expected. Running is a great people-watching opportunity. The funniest thing I saw was a gay guy walking a pair of chihuahuas.
How do I know he was gay? Well, besides the Juicy Couture sweatpants he was wearing… there was also the fact that his DOGS were sporting pink camouflage hoodies.Diva please.
I had two “Diva Please” moments at bars this week because I was mistaken for a 32 year-old TWICE.
I’m actually 22. I think it’s the beard that does it.
Ah well. Age is overrated, as Sloven Housemate has proven…
1 Professor M used to string together “uh, uh, um, ers” … he never went over six in a row though. Yes, we counted.
2 I refuse to lecture someone who is OLDER THAN ME about “how NOT to be the dirty irritating housemate.” If you haven’t learned how to respect your peers by college, then you have some deep character flaw that’s not getting fixed any time before your wife serves divorce papers on you…
The oral argument was the last of this semester’s “special projects” – ie , briefs, papers, statutory interpretation assignments and all of the other random that terrorize our schedules…
This week also started with an “intro to OCI” session, which was hilarious. The career counselors basically said, “OCI is going to be a disaster for 75% of you guys, but for the top quartile, it’s going to be great!”
Well, isn’t that dandy?
It feels like some sort of gate opened up this week because all the things that I’ve been kept in the dark about were finally explained.
First semester I felt like the school purposefully kept 1Ls ignorant1 about really important things. Career services? Oh worry about that later. Employers aren’t even allowed to contact you yet – you’re worse than dead to them. OCI? Don’t worry about it. Summer jobs? Petitioning law review? Later. We’ll explain that later.
Well, this is the week that everything was explained. I now know what to expect for the next eight months and it is such a relief.
Finals are next month. Immediate after finals is a 2 week journal hazingpetitioning period. This summer I’m working full time while taking Professional Responsibility and Wills & Trust.
At the start of next school year I may get to do OCI, depending on whether my grades are good enough for employers to interview me. If my grades tank, then I’ll get to start the semester without running around in a suit. Shucks.
Knowing what to expect for the rest of year is great because I can prepare accordingly. I don’t think this view is shared by some of my classmates because a lot of people are crabby at Mondale High…
In order to avoid joining the ranks of the cranky, I made a list of the five things that kept me from being stressed out during my first semester:
Going to bed early, and getting 8 hours of sleep.
Hanging out (a lot) with cool law students and non-law students.
After I made my list, I made sure that I did all 5 things this week. I read ahead. I bar hopping with friends. I studied at cafes. Basically, I worked hard and had fun and by the end of the week I was intolerably chipper again. I love it.
This upcoming week my diet and gym schedule is going to get an added boost because I bought a Jillian Michaels book:
And homegirl scared the crap out of me. Jansen is 110% organic now. Yes, the McDonald’s boy has gone organic. Go ahead and laugh. While you’re laughing I’ll be crushing some flax seeds…
1 Okay, it’s very possible that I was the only one unawares…
I spent the past two weeks packing my big-honking golf umbrella, printing out offensive amounts of paper in the library, and screaming along to “Big Fun” in my car.
Week #10 was a lopsided week because my Thursday-Friday class was moved to Tuesday and Wednesday. This meant that on that Wednesday I had all of my classes1 including legal writing.
For Wednesday, we had abnormally large reading assignments for CivPro and Corporations, and of course, that was the day that spring briefs were due.
I was up most of Tuesday evening and went to bed immediately after school on Wednesday. I pretty sure I flew home. I slept for about 15 hours. It was amazing. I smile every time I think about it.
I spent Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at work, making up hours that I didn’t put in at the beginning of the week.
That weekend Stella and I went to the 90’s and watched the drag shows. Nina D’Angelo came out in a fat suit and gave a Cher performance. Stella and I were seated in the audience. Obese Cher got off the stage and sat on our laps. Yes, it was a hot mess. And yes, there’s video footage.
When Stella and I got home we saw that some of our housemates had trashed the living room and kitchen:
We were NOT amused.3 Lets forget that happened. Ugh.
Week #11 started with my first oral argument. My opponent and I had the same concept of the assignment, so there was no bloodletting or surprises. It was a fun experience, although I somehow managed to wear a blue-black suit top with my very-black slacks. This is how I get my reputation for keeping it classy…4
Last Monday’s oral argument was our “practice” argument. The real one is next week, and my suit will match. I promise.
This past week was somewhat unproductive because I violated the sanctity of my sleep schedule. If I miss even a few hours of sleep, I get into a zombie-like state after 5pm. Lack of sleep is a self-perpetuating thing because when I am tired I am more likely to stay up unnecessarily instead of going to bed…which means I’m tired the next day and…yeah.
I reconciled with my bed this weekend. A full 8-hours is non-negotiable for the next few weeks.
1 8am – Legal Writing, 9am Civpro, 11am Corps, 1:25 Crimlaw, 2:20 Property. 4pm – a comfort McFlurry then bed time.
2Crabby to put it mildly. Half of us couldn’t make eye contact with the obnoxious guy from Crimlaw. I’m surprised that no one raised their hand and ask for a gag order: “CAN WE JUST HAVE HIM NOT TALK FOR ONE CLASS PERIOD?”
3 The mess wasn’t completely cleaned up for a few days. This was the topic of much griping around the house. It was an interesting social study too. Turns out that mostly the minorities and women in the house were pissed off about it. Some of us noted that…
4 If that wasn’t bad enough, the suit jacket and pants had two different types of pinstripes! My room wasn’t well lit enough for me to catch the mistake before I got to school. (Yes. I literally got dressed in the dark…)It was one of those fashion mistakes that wasn’t glaring, but really irks everyone who notices it. But given how many students have no concept of appropriate formal wear, it wasn’t a big deal.
4 Yes, I know I just said “when I’m tired, I stay up.” That may sound stupid, but it’s true. I stay up so late because I’m vegging in front of a computer or book…
I spent my spring break working. And to answer your question – yes, someone deigned to hire the most notoriously clumsy law student on earth. I think it’s because I carry napkins around and apologize profusely whenever the tumbler from hell spews coffee everywhere…1
My job is in the suburbs, so I spent a lot of time screaming singing and dancing to my playlist while driving. 2
Between the internship, school work, and the random-for-fun cases,3 I read over 100 cases this week. Yes, I am officially blind. Urkle, watch out!
I had an epiphany while reading case after case: there was some structure here, some reoccurring pattern… I thought for a second and almost shouted from my cubicle, “OH MY GOD THIS IS WHAT THEY MEANT BY IRAC!”
The court states the problem (issue), the applicable law (rule), applies the rule to the facts of the case (application), and then …yes, comes to a conclusion. Oh my god. Where was I during legal writing? I knew what the acronym stood for, but I didn’t truly understand how to apply it until this week. 4
And the beauty of IRAC is that it makes legal writing SO flipping easy and clean. It’s brilliant. Opinions are so much harder to read when the court doesn’t follow the “roadmap then IRAC” format.
I might be the last law student to get on the IRAC train, but hey, at least I got there eventually.5
1 Apparently my ‘professional’ subscribers think this is hilarious because they aren’t furiously scrubbing coffee stains off of a pink H&M shirt… 2Yeah, I’m that guy…and people always wonder why I lose my voice after I drive… 3 Yes, I read cases for fun. Criminal, mental commitment, divorce, and parental termination cases are more bizarre than anything Grisham or Nancy Grace can throw at you. My favorite cases are from Iowa. Not because anything particularly interesting happens in Iowa, but because they use a large font, and double space. 4 I’m not an idiot, I swear. The excerpts of cases in our case books aren’t long enough to see a good example of the structure. 5 I over-thought it. In law school things aren’t as complicated as they first seem. It’s just the simple things in aggregate that look impressive… sort of like a lego castle. 6 That’s the threshold number for me to stop feeling silly for creating the page.
Researching and writing by brief was a lot of fun. What made the spring brief awful was how it terrorized my schedule.
The law school administration and professors seemed completely unaware that the 1L spring brief was due: professors piled on work and the school scheduled tons of ‘special lunchtime events.’
One of these events was a Minnesota Supreme Court oral argument. It was so poorly attended that ushers made us move towards the front so that the law school auditorium wouldn’t look as empty.
I’m glad I went – the Justices were hilarious:
Defendant’s Lawyer: “It wasn’t a long time ago when I was in this very same room but up there, watching these poor lawyers getting grilled…” Justice: “Welcome back!”
Defendant’s Lawyer: “This is an instance where the Plaintiff’s are throwing everything against the wall and seeing what sticks.” Justice: “But Plaintiffs get to that!”
There were several embarrassing moments for both attorneys:
Justice: “This thing you quote on the first page of your brief…I couldn’t find it anywhere in the record. What are you citing here?” Plaintiff’s Lawyer: “Oh, well, that’s a post-it note in my kitchen.” Justice: “What?” Plaintiff’s Lawyer: “I took a call in my kitchen and I wrote notes down on a post-it note. It’s still in my kitchen.”1
Later, the Justices asked the plaintiff’s lawyer to find something else in the record.
Plaintiff’s Lawyer: “It’s in the Holiday Inn parking garage, your honor. I left my copy of the trial testimony in the car. I guess this is a lesson to the students of what to bring to court!”
Indeed.
The defendant’s attorney was also caught in an embarrassing moment when he was asked what the standard of review and procedural posture for the case was. The attorney artfully dodged the question, but one Justice would not let him get away without answering:
Justice: “Wait, you’re not answering my question. I want to hear you say it. What is the standard of review here?”
There was a Q&A session after the oral argument:
Student: “How do you decide who writes the briefs?” Justice: “We arm wrestle!” Female Justice: “And because we are females we always win!” Female Justice #2: “Actually, we prefer Rock, Paper, Scissors.”2
Even though I could have dropped everything to work on my brief, I’m glad I made time to go to the oral argument and CLE class. My theory is that I’m going to be even busier as an attorney, so I can’t get into the habit of dropping obligations and routines every time life gets busy. I think that’s a bad habit to pick up in law school.
This past week felt like a vacation compared with the packed schedule of Week 7.
I forgot how pleasant and breezy law school is when I finish most of my reading the weekend before classes. Holler. I had no major obligations outside of Wednesday’s 6-hour Fee Committee meeting, so I had plenty of time to, well, sleep. I slept in 14-hour stretches. It was glorious.
Thursday was the day of The Crash, when my chair broke in class. It sent both me and a classmate to the floor. Hilarity ensued.
On Friday, it was apparent that half of the school started Spring Break early. Attendance was so bad in Crimlaw that the professor suspended the Socratic method and just asked for volunteers. I spent most of the class ignoring the rants of the other section and coding for the new layout.
And now I start my 1L spring break. Vöt!
1This is paraphrased but yes, the attorney cited a note in his kitchen. It was so shocking that I wasn’t sure I would write about it… 2 The Justices went on to say that the cases are preassigned at the beginning of each term. If a Justice does not have enough votes then the case goes to whomever feels most strongly about it, based on seniority.
This past week was hilarious for all the wrong reasons.
The week started with me randomly getting a car. I have never bought a car by myself before, so I didn’t know how long the financing process would take. I thought it would take a few weeks. It took about 10 minutes.
The gist:
Me: “Hi. I’m a law student who just got a job in the suburbs. Busing won’t cut it anymore, and I haven’t learned how to fly…” Banker: “Got any cars in mind?” Me: “Yep! I am eying a car at BigChain car dealership. It’s an Altima.” Banker: “Do you have a number for the dealership?” Me: “Yep. I filled out a form and Rick Salesman sent me an email, the number is 612-000-0000.” Banker: “Please hold.”
Banker: “Okay. I’ve cleared everything with the car dealership. You’re approved for the loan. Just login to your online account and check “yes.” There is an e-check you can print out to get your car tonight.” Me: “Wait, what? Tonight? Really?” Banker: “Yep. Let me know if you have any problems.”
Click. I didn’t even have time to call mom before the car dealership called:
Salesman: “Hey, this is Rick Salesman from BigChain. We’ve emailed. I just talked to your bank.” Me: “Uh…yeah…hi. Sorry about that. I didn’t think they were going to call you immediately…or even approve the loan that quickly.” Salesman: “Yep. BigBank works quick.” Me: “They sure do.” Salesman: “So when are you coming to test drive?” Me: “Well the problem is that I don’t have a car. So I have to find a ride…maybe tomorrow...” Salesman: “Oh don’t worry about that. I’ll pick you up. You can test drive it back to the dealership. I’ll be there in 25 minutes.”
Yikes! I guess there isn’t a recession going on! Or, maybe so few people are buying that they are eager to sell to any non-sketchy person they can find. Hm. I really wanted the car, but I didn’t expect it to happen so quickly…
So I enjoyed the wonders of winter-car-ownership this week. Miami didn’t prepare me for any of this:
The gas tank freezing shut. I was running low on gas and I couldn’t open the tank! Images of past tow-truck adventures started flashing before my eyes. The car has inside pull-level, so I didn’t know if it was really frozen shut or if the pull-level broke. I had to get my car steamed in a car wash before it opened. But it DID open…
Getting stuck in my driveway. The neighbors found this hilarious. I pretended I was an Olympic hurdler when I lunged over the snow wall blocking my driveway…
My febreeze freeze. The car completely stunk of nicotine when I bought it, so I bought some febreeze. It froze in my trunk, and is currently thawing on my desk.
