The junkies broke into the downstairs apartment. I heard banging for the past few hours and noticed that the apartment’s lights were on when I went outside with Gertrude, my Rottweiler.
I called the cops and requested to remain anonymous. The cops were already in the building when I got back inside.
I am upstairs. The Rottweiler hears the cops knock on the downstairs apartment as I unlock my door, so the Rottweiler DARTS DOWN THE STAIRS, RUNS PAST THE POLICE OFFICERS, AND RUNS INTO THE JUNKIES’ APARTMENT.
I am horrified.
So I run downstairs, Officer McDreamy is rolling his eyes like “What the fuck, where is this random Rottweiler coming from?!” and my Rottweiler has the pleasure of participating in a police raid.
I am then on the phone with my landlord when the officers shoo the dog back in the hallway. The Rottweiler is terrified because she doesn’t understand why everyone is screaming.
I then have to drag this stupid dog up the stairs while on the phone with the landlord. At least I was out of the hallway by the time they started bringing the former-neighbors out of the apartment.
The police officer said that the former-tenants are going to be brought to detox and held there for a few days. There are only a few problems:
- The now-homeless junkies know I called the cops on them.
- The apartment still does not have a front window, so anyone can crawl back in.
- The apartment’s front door is unlocked.
I think I’m screwed.
Not that screwed… I’m sure I don’t have to tell you of the deterrent factor when it comes to a guy with a big Rottweiler. They needn’t know she’s a pushover.
But they are homeless junkies with little to lose. They just need to bring a gun and the rottweiler is taken care of! I need a gun permit…
Your posts from the past week alone could make for a good small HBO miniseries. Consider carrying a camcorder with you 24/7 in your neighborhood/apartment.
A mini-series called “In the Ghetto…” hah.
Wow. This makes me glad my life is pretty much super boring.
Also, seriously? Your landlord has never heard of plywood?!!
Correction. ALMOST makes me glad, sorry. Although if this kind of thing happened to me, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be as hilarious when I wrote about it.
Oh hilarity is not the word…I was so horrified. It’s sort of like how “Meet the Parents” is funny unless you’re the Ben Stiller meeting the parents.
And the landlord boarded up the window sometime the next day. I looks ghetto-tastic. I wonder how much emergency window repair service is, and if it’s cheaper than having the junkies trash the place again.
I adore Gertrude. And Harley. You’ll be fine… probably.
Ugh. I hope so. I was thoroughly ready to give her up last month, but she’s alright when she’s not running into junkie’s apartments during police raids…
The other day, when it was suggested you move, you mentioned you didn’t want to because the neighborhood was “fun”.
Sounds like fun to me!
Haha, well, fun…horrifying…they were evicted actually.