Here is what I’m reading with my coffee:

South Carolina GOP votes to censure Sanford

Whereas, the South Carolina Republican Party adopts this Resolution of Censure as a unified expression of the Party’s opinion in the recent matter relating to Governor Marshall Clement Sanford, Jr. Read the rest

Lori, a local talkshow host, said it best: “He’s a dink and a half.”

The shocker was when he told reporters that he will “try” and fall back in love with his wife because the mistress is his soul mate – that’s when any wife, even an anti-divorce “conservative as you wannabe” wife, needs dump the dink.

And he needs to stay away from home, because Jenny is completely justified for shanking him right now.

See also: Malkin to Sanford: please go now!.

Family, fans gather to say farewell to Michael

Michael Jackson’s memorial will begin with a private gathering of his family at a Los Angeles cemetery at 8 a.m. PT (11 a.m. ET). Family, fans gather to say farewell to Michael

I suspect the memorial is going to be a circus complete with rabid chimps chasing small children around. I also suspect that so many people are going to crash the memorial that it will resemble a G20 protest, minus the pretty flags.

See also: Jackson Funeral