The caretaker job ends in two weeks. Good riddance.

That kitchen drawer is an example of the crap people leave behind. I have seen some pretty ripe looking apartments in my year as a caretaker. Here’s a rundown of the top five grossest post-moveout apartments in my building:

#5. Hobo Haven. These tenants were the alcoholic Native Americans in a program that got them off of the street without addressing any underlying substance abuse issues. They were eventually evicted after a shooting incident but they left the apartment looking like a homeless camp. The apartment smelled of sweat and dumpster. Gertrude joined the police raid once they broke back into their apartment.

#4. The Bed Bug Queen. This is the elderly tenant who left half of her furniture, including a bedbug infested queen-sized mattress. It also looked like she dumped three boxes of cereal randomly around the apartment. Flies and other pests were everywhere. The kitchen was caked in food, and there was a sign of a small fire by the front windows. The smell of dog urine hung in the air which wasn’t a surprise because she got evicted for allowing her dog to piss and crap in the hallway.

#3. The Rodent Den. These tenants left cat food and rabbit food out. They vacated the apartment early but kept paying rent, so this wasn’t discovered for several months. Mice ruled the apartment unchecked and the floor was littered in mouse shit and dead mice.

#2. After the Flood. This was a bad combination of a dirty tenant and a major structural problem. An ice dam caused a severe roof leak. The lights in the apartment didn’t work because the light globes were filled with water. The ceiling bulged and dripped. There was also a sign of mold on one of the walls. There was also (wet) trash everywhere, including used cigs and rotting food. The stove was so banged up and crusted over with burnt food that it had to be replaced.

#1. Rotting Ron. This apartment was vacated before I was a caretaker, but it was so intense that it became apartment legend. There was an obese man who lived on the top floor of the building. He had a cat and a small twitchy dog. Fat Ron died during my first summer in the building, and he rotted pretty quickly because there’s no A/C. The building gossip said that Ron’s pets also ate parts of him. Apparently they had to go in with hazmat suits. Delicious.

My friends who work in property management know that situations like this are surprisingly common. I guess you never know how filthy the prior tenants in any apartment were, but I’m not sure that it matters.