Professor L: “The reason I give you eight hour exams is not just sadism. That’s just a part of it! I like people to suffer…”

She then went on to say that the time limit is to give us time to think about, and flesh-out our answers, but [...]]]> Professor L explained why our exam is eight hours:

Professor L: “The reason I give you eight hour exams is not just sadism. That’s just a part of it! I like people to suffer…”

She then went on to say that the time limit is to give us time to think about, and flesh-out our answers, but that was lost in the nervous laughter.

RSS readers: click here if you cannot see the video. ]]> This video is about classroom interruptions. Harry Potter visited Conlaw last week and my Conflicts class is constantly invaded by impatient lunch-time speakers:

RSS readers: click here if you cannot see the video.

Professor L: “So Jill, what was the compelling interested claimed by the school board?” (Jack coughs) Jill: “Well the school board argued that…” (Jack coughs louder) Jill: “…and then said that…” (Jack coughs) Jill: “…but the court didn’t buy it. Professor L: “Sorry Jill, I missed that because someone was coughing. Repeat!” Jack (mouthing): “SORRY!”

Professor L vs. the 14th amendment:

Professor L: “Let me quote directly here from the amendment… hm…where is it? Sorry… I momentarily forgot how to read roman numerals…”

Professor L hears [...]]]> I have Professor L again for Constitutional Law. I love the class, but even if I didn’t, the asides would make it totally worth it.

Professor L vs. the 14th amendment:

Professor L: “Let me quote directly here from the amendment… hm…where is it? Sorry… I momentarily forgot how to read roman numerals…”

Professor L hears a voice:

Professor L (looking down at the seating chart): “Mr. Smith?”
Jack Smith: “Here!”
Professor L (looking up): “Where are you? I just heard a voice…hearing voices! That’s all I need!”

Professor L trips:

Professor L: “Woops! Sorry. There’s a little wire here. I’ll probably fall on my face at some point…”

Professor L says stay healthy:

Professor L: “I was asked to record today’s class because a number of your colleagues are sick today with the swine flu or something. I suspect this is only going to get worse, so wash your hands regularly, carry Purell, refuse to shake hands with people, and stay healthy!”

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Professor L see:

• How Jill became that girl
• Ms. D dropped out…a long time ago
• OTR: Professor L
• Professor L gets headbutted
• OTR: Professor L & the two stoners

So, I’ve called Best Buy three times to follow-up on the Flipcam I sent out for repair.

The first time I called, Best Buy still had my repair job under my old (and out of service) Miami number.

The second [...]]]> I’m putting Torts aside to write about yesterday’s journey in awful aka, the Best Buy fiasco Part II.

So, I’ve called Best Buy three times to follow-up on the Flipcam I sent out for repair.

The first time I called, Best Buy still had my repair job under my old (and out of service) Miami number.

The second time I called, Best Buy didn’t have the repair job under any number.

The third time I called was this Wednesday…

Me: “Hi, I’d like to check the status of a camera I sent out for repair.”
Geek Squad Dude: “Uh, sure… Erm, it looks like it hasn’t arrived at the repair center yet.”
Me: “…Um… I sent the camera out for repair two weeks ago.”
Geek Squad Dude: “Yeah. The 25th. I see that. I don’t know what to tell you. It should be there.”
Me: “…but it isn’t.”
Geek Squad Dude: “Right.”
Me: “…Well, what happened to my camera?”
Geek Squad Dude: “I dunno.”
Me: “…well, did you guys lose my camera? What’s going on here?”
Geek Squad Dude: “I don’t know what to tell you. It hasn’t arrived yet. I don’t know what’s going on. We tell you it’ll take two weeks to repair, but that’s just what we tell people… we don’t really know what’s going on.”

Gee thanks. Customer service FAIL.  I didn’t have time for the drammy because I had an 8-hour Constitution Law final Thursday.

But I had a plan!

So, Thursday I woke up around 4am, cleaned the kitchen, made breakfast, and then scooted off for a last minute review session at Starbucks at 5:30am.

I started the exam around 8am. The word limit was 3,500. I thought this was a lot of room, but I ended up writing 3,499 words. Yeah.

…and thank goodness my professor didn’t ask about detainee rights… Hamdi and Hamdan blur together for me…

Anyhoot: I hand in my test around 3:30, and ten minutes later I’m on a bus to Rosedale Mall (where the Best Buy is.)

I arrive at Rosedale around 4:30pm. I politely say goodbye to the pissy bus driver and march into Best Buy with a big-ass smile.

After an 8 hour exam I was ready to kick some customer service ass.

I stand in line, all extra-chipper. I was like Pollyanna reincarnated…

When it was my turn, the Geek Squad guy he gave me the “Oh shit” look. He wasn’t stupid – when a customer is that happy and polite it’s a set up. Always.

Me: “Can you check the status of a repair?”
Geek Squad Guy: “Sure…hm. Your camera arrived at the repair center today. We’ll give you a call when it’s done.”
Me (extra smiley): “I appreciate that. My concern is that I sent it out two weeks ago. Is it normal for shipping to take that long? Best Buy is based here in Minnesota right?”
Geek Squad Guy: “Uh, yeah.”
Me: “And when I called yesterday the Geek Squad Rep I talked to basically told me my camera was lost.”
Geek Squad Guy: “Well, what happened was that you came in on November 25th, we didn’t send it out till the 26th, but that was the Thanksgiving Weekend. UPS was lagging and our repair place was closed over Thanksgiving… the first time we could have accepted it was that Monday…so you lost a week right there.”
Me: “Does it usually take this long?”
Geek Squad Guy: “Well, two things – shipping is slower during the Holidays and UPS sucks. We are trying to get another carrier…”
Me: “Can you call the repair center to see what’s going on?”
Geek Squad Guy: “Hah! No! They don’t accept incoming calls. Good thing too. I’d be on the phone cussing their asses out every day.”

Geek Squad Guy was too cool, so instead of doing the whole, “F-you, gimme a manager! I WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE TOO IMPORTANT TO WEAR A NAME BADGE!” routine that I had planned, I thanked Geek Squad Guy and left.

I was still a bit frustrated, especially since I just realized that I left my hat on the bus… So, I decided to go see a movie.

Via MovieWeb

I saw Punisher: War Zone… which is the campiest superhero movie ever. This is the movie every 15-year-old boy wants to see. The Punisher is like an updated, horribly un-PC Batman.

“My name is Bad Ass. And I am here to ROCK YOU!”
Via MovieWeb

Every caricature you can think of is in this movie:

• Guido mob-bosses
• Cops with thick NY accents
• Thugs with the requisite bling and big fur coats
• Chinese gangs
• Skinheads
• Russian mob bosses (with nukes)
• Arab terrorists (who everyone calls “rag heads”)
• The Mexican ex-con with the ridiculous mi-amigo accent
• And the acrobatic British Meth-heads ala Madonna’s Jump.

Oh, and of course the deformed bad guy (ala Two-Face) and his crazy brother…

“Here’s your TORT!”
Via MovieWeb

And like any gun-slinging action movie: all the bad guys have machine guns and are yet completely incapable of actually hitting anyone.

Yes. The Punisher is all sorts of camp and awful… and I loved it! It was the kind of mindless entertainment that is perfect after a law school final.

Oh, and if any of you actually have 15-year-olds in the house DO NOT let them watch this movie. The movie is unnecessarily gory. The characters snort (and smoke) cocaine, get shot in the head, axed, gutted, blown up with short-range missiles,… and the insane brother character (above) also eats someone’s kidney…

…it was like Amy Winehouse visited Chicago for a weekend.

Uh yeah…. that’s sounds really bad now that I type it… it didn’t seem THAT bad during the movie…but,  if you had an 8-hour final, followed up with Best Buy drammy, kidney-related-unsavoriness wouldn’t sound so gruesome either…

“That’s when you know something is addictive,” I said, “When it has you willingly standing around in the cold.”

Today we can tack coffee onto that list of addictive things…

I’m preparing for my contracts [...]]]> Last month Erik and I approached the clubhouse around midnight. It was about 25 degrees, but there were dozens of people smoking outside.

“That’s when you know something is addictive,” I said, “When it has you willingly standing around in the cold.”

Today we can tack coffee onto that list of addictive things…

I’m preparing for my contracts final at Jamie’s house. Jamie, for whatever reason, does not have a coffee machine. Gasp, I know!

It’s 12 degrees, but the coffee was calling… so, I decide to ‘take a brisk walk’ to the convenience store around the corner.

I immediately knew that the Quik Stop didn’t sell coffee (they didn’t even have a soda fountain!) but I asked the clerk anyway…

Quik Stop Clerk: “Coffee? You mean already made Coffee? Pfft. No. We don’t sell that.”

I leave the store, perturbed.

Should I go back? Well, a bit further down the street is a gas station… Surely they sell coffee…

I think “f-it” and walk a few more blocks down the street.

I don’t realize that the gas station is abandoned until I’m immediately in front of it.

Should I go back? Well, a few more blocks down the street is a Subway. Thank god for chains. Subway has to have coffee. Besides, it’s only 12 degrees. That’s like a dozen degrees before zero…

I walk into Subway, absolutely delighted. My hands are together in a mock prayer. (Yes…it’s that serious) The Subway worker gets off the phone and greets me.

Me (big smile): “Please tell me you have coffee!”
Subway Dude: “Coffee? Pfft. No. We don’t sell coffee.”
Me (mortified): “How do you not sell coffee?”
Subway Dude: “We just don’t.”
Me: “Do you know where I can buy coffee around here?”
Subway Dude: “Erm…there’s a gas station two blocks down the road…”
Me: “It’s abandoned.”
Subway Dude: “Oh, well, uh… there’s a gas station four blocks down the other road.”
Me: “Why does no one sell coffee in this neighborhood?”
Random Homeless guy behind me: “Cus black people don’t drink coffee!” **
Me (turning around): “Well THIS black person drinks coffee!”

Four blocks later I come to a hole-in-the-wall independent gas station. They have coffee. Angels sing and confetti falls from the ceiling (at least in my head).

I get two cups, and march back to Jamie’s.

Breaking stereotypes apparently…Power to the caffeinated people…

Okay, now time for the Commerce Clause…

Professor L: “I’m surprised this many of you stumbled over here for this.”

…there was also someone sleeping in the corner. Eek.

Exam advice:

Professor L: “Don’t make up facts. I don’t want to you to say there’s a man with a gun outside of the [...]]]> What happens when you have the review session the day of another exam:

Professor L: “I’m surprised this many of you stumbled over here for this.”

…there was also someone sleeping in the corner. Eek.

Exam advice:

Professor L: “Don’t make up facts. I don’t want to you to say there’s a man with a gun outside of the school because it happened in Lopez.”

Why we love Professor L:

Professor L: “Well in the marijuana case, the question is: does the commerce clause apply even if they are growing it at home in a little pot? No pun intended of course…”

And the final threat:

Professor L: “I’ll be around in the morning, and I’m going to answer any emails…otherwise good luck! You’ll need it…”

Professor L: “For our last day we have a really easy agenda – actually NO! I’m gonna unleash on you! This is all my aggression for all the times you were unprepared for class! Haha, I’m kidding, you guys were really good …for the most part…”

Professor L: “Ms. Dennel? Demmel?” Jill: “Her name was De-mal. Sarah Demal.” Professor L: “Yes, so Ms. Dememel? Dennel? Oh forget it! I’ll just call you Ms. D!” (Class laughs) Professor L: “So Ms. D…” Jill: “Actually, I’m Jill. Jill Smith.” Professor L: “Huh? Where’s Ms. Demmel? Is Ms. Demmel, Dannel, Dennel not here today?” Jill: “Sarah Demal sat [...]]]> Only in Con Law…

Professor L: “Ms. Dennel? Demmel?”
Jill: “Her name was De-mal. Sarah Demal.”
Professor L: “Yes, so Ms. Dememel? Dennel? Oh forget it! I’ll just call you Ms. D!”
(Class laughs)
Professor L: “So Ms. D…”
Jill: “Actually, I’m Jill. Jill Smith.”
Professor L: “Huh? Where’s Ms. Demmel? Is Ms. Demmel, Dannel, Dennel not here today?”
Jill: “Sarah Demal sat in front of me. She actually dropped out the first week of class…”
Professor L: “OH! That explains things! I just had a note here that she wasn’t here the last time I called on her… hm.”
Jill: “…So do you want me to answer?”
Professor L: “No. I didn’t even want to call on you! Forget it!”
(Class laughs)
Professor L: “This is literally sound and fury signifying nothing…THERE! I got a Shakespeare quote in! ”

---

(later)
Professor L: “Okay, let me turn to…Ms. Chang…oh, she’s not here. She didn’t drop out too right?”

Professor T: “So you’re eating at Café X and you crunch into a crouton, which you find out is a roach. What do you do?” Jill: “Sign up for Fear Factor!” Professor T: “What’s that? I’m so disadvantaged for not watching TV…” Jill: “Oh, it’s a show where they pay people to eat bugs.” Professor T: [...]]]> Jill is suing regardless…

Professor T: “So you’re eating at Café X and you crunch into a crouton, which you find out is a roach. What do you do?”
Jill: “Sign up for Fear Factor!”
Professor T: “What’s that? I’m so disadvantaged for not watching TV…”
Jill: “Oh, it’s a show where they pay people to eat bugs.”
Professor T: “And can you get paid by Café X?”
Jill: “Sure.”
Professor T: “And why are they going to pay you?”
Jill: “Because they are scared of getting sued.”
Professor T: “And what if you just saw the roach in your salad and didn’t bite into it?”
Jill: “Well, then I bite into it and then sue.”

The fun in Constitutional Law continues…

Professor L: “Okay, Mr. Smith. We have the classic situation: you’re walking down the street and someone asks you to explain the doctrine of executive privilege in a nutshell. What do you say besides ‘get away from me’?”

Student: “Well, correct me if I’m wrong–“
Professor L: “Oh I will!”