I’m sometimes jealous of my friends who work downtown. I work in the suburbs and downtown offices seem so glamorous. I think it’s better this way though. Those same people thnk downtown is small and boring whereas it’s still special to me.

I was surprised to see that some parts of downtown aren’t gentrified, especially around the stadium. The abandoned streets were really peaceful aside from the occasional [...]]]> I always loved exploring odd parts of downtown Miami. The tradition continues in Minneapolis, but at least it’s not as creepy now that I have dogs.

I was surprised to see that some parts of downtown aren’t gentrified, especially around the stadium. The abandoned streets were really peaceful aside from the occasional speeding BMW.

All that’s missing is the bat mobile.

The church by St. Thomas law school in downtown:

Random street art in Uptown:

But you’re like, really ghetto, Embers:

Turkey infestation in Eagan:

And possibly the worst paint job ever:

Earlier: Randomly around [...]]]> Random shots from before the storm.

The church by St. Thomas law school in downtown:

Random street art in Uptown:

But you’re like, really ghetto, Embers:

Turkey infestation in Eagan:

And possibly the worst paint job ever:

Earlier: Randomly around Minneapolis.

After the jump are some things that I’m pretty sure didn’t import over. The thumbnails are linked to the image files. RSS readers: Please click here if you cannot see the gallery.

I went to the downtown Target yesterday to get contacts for the first time. After waiting in line for a half hour, I was told the optometrist was not in and sent to the suburbs.

The optometrist at the suburban Target was a cranky old man who probably has been telling [...]]]> Around downtown Minneapolis:

I went to the downtown Target yesterday to get contacts for the first time. After waiting in line for a half hour, I was told the optometrist was not in and sent to the suburbs.

The optometrist at the suburban Target was a cranky old man who probably has been telling the same jokes for 40 years. He quickly got frustrated with me which didn’t help me learn to get the contacts in any faster. It took about 20 minutes of jabbing myself in the eye while being scolded before I finally got the contacts in.

Later, when I tried to put the contacts in again at work, I tore the lens…so I have to go back today and hope that I don’t get more grief from Dr. Cranky.

RSS readers: if you can’t see the images, click here. The images link to larger files.

1. Rocker-Clepto Crazy

I sat at the B&N Café downtown at the window-counter. To my left was a tall redheaded punk boy with tattoos and an overbite.

To Punkboy’s left is an Arden B girl: a petite, no-nonsense Brunette [...]]]> I felt like a certain Ms. Someone yesterday because the Crazies were out in full force.

1. Rocker-Clepto Crazy

I sat at the B&N Café downtown at the window-counter. To my left was a tall redheaded punk boy with tattoos and an overbite.

To Punkboy’s left is an Arden B girl: a petite, no-nonsense Brunette who is refined in an unfriendly (but not quite bitchy) way. She’s hunched over her laptop with a grimace on her face.

Punkboy leans over to Ms. Arden and asks to use her phone,

Punkboy: I really really need to call my girlfriend. I can’t use my phone because I don’t have any minutes. It will be really short I promise.

Ms. Arden squirms a bit like “gasp why are you talking to me?!” She then says ‘sure’ and hands over the phone.

Punkboy (on Ms. Arden’s phone): Hey Jamie, it’s me. I’ve been waiting for you at the downtown Barnes and Noble for two hours now. I really really wish you’d pick up your phone baby. I’m going to be here until 4 and then I’m heading over to Rob’s house. I have all your stuff here, your bag, your bike. Why won’t you pick up the phone? If you’re not here by four you can find it over at Rob’s house. I really wish you’d pick up the phone. I hope you’re safe.

Punkboy leaves this whiny message as loudly as possible. I exchange “wtf” looks with Ms. Arden and a pretty Somali woman with an elaborate headscarf at a table behind us. The Somali shoots Punkboy one of the nastiest looks I’ve ever seen.

Punkboy gives the phone back to Ms. Arden and thanks her profusely.

Ms. Arden: No problem.
Punkboy: I really really appreciate it.
Ms. Arden (avoiding eye contact): Okay, seriously, no problem.
Punkboy: It’s just that she’s a Clepto, and I’m never sure if she’s been arrested or not. That’s why I don’t go shopping with her it’s like, “What did you take now?”
Ms. Arden (still staring at her laptop yet completely annoyed): Well, good luck with that.

About 40 minutes later I see this ratty looking girl outside. She looks like a dirty, black-haired version of Robyn. She’s weirdly hunched like she’s cold or violated. She just wanders near the Café window looking over her shoulder (either for a coat or her attacker I guess).

Punkboy looks up, sees Cracked-Robyn and shouts, “TENTH!”

He then jumps up, almost knocking over his chair, and runs outside. Ms. Arden, the Somali and I are all wide eyed / what the hell?

We watch Punkboy run outside and grab Cracky-Robyn by the arm. He hugs her and kisses her. Ms. Arden, the Somali, and I exchange a look. Que Crazy.

Punkboy and Cracky-Robyn come in, gather all their crap and leave. Thank goodness. I returned to Underworld with my phones in.

A few minutes pass and then this stocky short guy sits next to me. He’s middle aged and wears a camouflage cap. He has several of those current-event “administration/political expose books.”

Whcih brings us to #2 – Camouflage Crazy

Since it was the day of the Crazies, of course Camouflage starts talking to me. At first I’m confused because I have my headphones in. I always thought headphones and a book at a café sent a very clear “fuck you & yours/don’t bother me” message.

Camouflage starts telling me about Cheney’s cover up involving WMDs and the Iraq war. There are secret contracts and conspiracies. He goes into detail.

The whole time I stare at him blankly like, “why are you talking to me? Why why why sweet baby Jesus!?”

Camouflage goes on for about ten minutes. And then finally shuts up.

#3 Gaunt the Enquirer Crazy

Later that day I was at the Purple Onion Café, my local hangout. I had headpones on, listening to Rautemusik and attempting to catch up on my favorite blawgs. This gaunt African man (with too many bags) walks in and sits at a table near me. I smile briefly and then look back at the laptop.

A few minutes pass and he asks,

Gaunt-guy: So what are you working on?
Me (taking off an earphone): Pardon me?
Gaunt-guy: what are you working on?
Me: Nothing. I’m reading legal blogs.
Gaunt-guy: What?
Me: Uh, I’m looking at websites.
Gaunt-guy: Oh.

I put my phones back in. Bothered. Crazy #3 at my favorite Cafe. NOOO.

Gaunt-guy: Are you a student at the University of Minnesota?
Me (again, taking off an earphone): What?
Gaunt-guy: Are you a student at the University?
Me: Erm, Yes.
Gaunt-guy: What do you study?
Me: Law.
Gaunt-guy: Very Good.
Me: Do you teach at the University?
Gaunt-guy: No, I wish.

Gaunt-guy goes back to his book and I put my earphone back in, legitimately worried that I just gave too much information to a serial killer.

Gaunt-guy: Where did you go for undergrad?
Me: University of Miami.
Gaunt-guy: What did you study?
Me: History and English.
Gaunt-guy: Ah, so you’re a good writer?
Me: I hope so.
Gaunt-guy: Well, it looks like you have a good background. English and History. Yes. Good background indeed.

Gaunt guy continues reading in his book, and waits for me to put my headphones back in before talking again.

Gaunt-guy: Are you from this country?
Me (wondering why I’m telling him as I’m telling him): No, Germany.
Gaunt-guy: Ah, I’m reading a German philosopher right now. Have you heard of him?
Me: No, sorry.

This line of questioning continued for a bit. It became extremely annoying. I felt like the crew of MTV’s Boiling Points would jump out at any moment. They never did. I eventually got frustrated so I called the first friend in my phone, packed up the laptop, and left.

Me: Hello, do you [...]]]> My first weekend in Minneapolis was a lesson in Krawall & Remmidemmi, but I think I have my bearings…well, sort of. Here are some snippets:

• I met the stereotype on Friday: a strikingly blond girl who I asked for directions. Her Minnesota accent was so thick that I couldn’t understand her at all.

Me: Hello, do you know where can I get my student ID?
Minnesota Girl: YodelYodel GurbleGarble Yodel Gardel!
Me: Uh… Pardon me?
Minnesota Girl (slower): Yooou go ooova der and YodelYodel left Garbel Gurble dontcha know?!
Me (thoroughly confused): Okay thanks!

• I’ve been downtown several times. Most of the buildings are connected by skywalks. There is also a mini-Broadway-like street called Hennepin that has theaters. One of my favorite things downtown is the ginormous two-story Target. (Target’s headquarters are downtown too.)

Look Mommy! It’s America Sized!”

• There is a conspicuous lack of Starbucks in Minneapolis. Miami has them on every-other corner. I think it’s because of competition from a regional chain called Caribou Coffee and another one called Dunn Brothers. Caribou and Dunn Brothers stores are a nicer inside and offer free wifi. There are also tons of indie coffee shops. I’m in one right now called The Purple Onion Café. I like the Purple Onion but I suspect it gets miserably crowded when school’s in.
• Saturday I hung out at JR’s house. His dog is cute, in spite of being slightly enfeebled by a recent accident.

• I signed up with TCF Bank since there are no Bank of Americas. The cool thing about TCF is that they are open 7 days a week and they have ATMs everywhere here. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a TCF ATM in my kitchen.
• Late Night Hilarity: Me dressed as a cowboy (I’ll explain that later) running full speed across a bridge in the middle of the night. Classic Jansen-being-special moment. After 7 years in Miami you’d think I have enough sense to carry an umbrella right? Wrong. Of course I was halfway across the old stone bridge when the sky just dumped on me. The cellphone survived, the verdict on the MP3 player is still out.


The stone arch bridge!

I went to Mall of America today. I’m pretty sure it’s the biggest mall in the country. It’s so honkin’ big that it has a theme park INSIDE. Why do we do things like this?

• Friday was my first time on a public bus in the US. I’m now fairly competent with the mass transit system here (we didn’t do buses in Wichita or Miami), although a major transit f-up is probably in the works. “Crap! How did I end up in Michigan!?”
• Definite differences from Miami: wild rabbits (Miami has lizards), tons of bikers, squirrels that aren’t skinny and decrepit, huge historic houses/buildings everywhere, a weird grid system, new categories of immigrants – Somali, Ethiopian, South-East Asians… there’s also that Minnesota-Nice stereotype… hm.. OH! And the falls on the river!

So yeah, things are geil! More later. OH, and by the way…I found out that my neighborhood DOESN’T have a legit grocery store… just two Gas-Station-Mart-esqe things…hmmf!