Family law is a huge class. There are over 100 people in the room, but instead of deterring embarrassing and irrelevant comments, the class size seems to ensure that every loon in the law school is represented ala [...]]]> One of today’s topics in my Family Law class was restrictions on parents’ rights to name their children.

Family law is a huge class. There are over 100 people in the room, but instead of deterring embarrassing and irrelevant comments, the class size seems to ensure that every loon in the law school is represented ala But No Thanks.

The conversation got so ridiculous that people openly laughed at the speakers.

One can only take a mother’s right to name her child “5 + 5″ so seriously, but there was a boy who said that the name would be fine if it was written “Five plus Five” instead of numericals.

The best comment was not by one of the loons, but by a rather pleasant girl who shall forever be known as Ms. Ass:

Ms. Ass: “…I get what he’s saying about names. My parents love me, but my initials are “ASS.”

I was only briefly traumatized in 2nd grade when the 5th graders found out… but in undergrad, Bumble University used our initials as our email address. So when applying to law school, I had to get documentation from Bumble U that I did not pick “ASSØØ4@bumble.edu” to be my email.”

I love it.

The seating situation of the classroom is important to explain the hot messitude, so here is a diagram:

The blue rectangles are the tables. The seating is tiered.

I sit in seat A.

Sarah is in seat B.

Brenda is in seat C, and Bill is in [...]]]> Sarah sits two rows behind me in my Conflicts of Law class.

The seating situation of the classroom is important to explain the hot messitude, so here is a diagram:

The blue rectangles are the tables. The seating is tiered.

I sit in seat A.

Sarah is in seat B.

Brenda is in seat C, and Bill is in seat D.

Jill is in seat E.

Because Sarah sits almost directly behind me, I cannot see her unless I fully turn around. I can easily see Bill and Brenda if I turn to the side. I can see Jill without turning.

So throughout Conflicts yesterday I kept hearing this nasty, mucusy coughing. It was the type of wet coughing that makes everyone who hears it visualize the gunk and puss sloshing around in the cougher’s throat.

Gross. I know.

The coughing was interrupted by that nasty “sucking my snot in” sound.

After a while it became distracting, so I turned slightly and looked at Bill and Brenda. Both looked horrified.

The second time I turned around, both Bill and Brenda had their faces covered with their jackets. Maybe someone farted?

The entire time I see Jill’s face becoming more and more distorted. She’s watching a train wreck.

I turn again and see that Brenda moved to the back row! Bill is shielding his face with his coat. Jill is beside herself.

I finally do an almost-discrete-but-not-quite turn and see the cause of the commotion: Sarah is disgustingly sick. Snot is streaming all over her face, and she was snorting, sniffing, and coughing away. H1N1 was flying around the room like dust  particles from an old pillow. We were all going to catch the plague, and die, and miss our finals.

After class Jill exchanges a frantic look with me and mouths: “THAT IS SO GROSS!”

In the hallway Jill explained:

Jill: “Oh my god, Sarah is so disgusting! She was wiping her snot with her FINGERS! WITH HER FINGERS!! Why would you come to school like that?”
Me: “Well, maybe she had an allergy attack or something… and Conflicts is sort of a hard class to miss.”
Jill: “That’s just unacceptable. Fail.”

Just then, Sarah comes out of the classroom. Jill yelps and practically jumps across the hall, almost knocking over some 1Ls in the process. I expected her to point and scream “PLAGUE!!! PLAGUE!!! SHE BE SPREADING THE PLAGUE!! BURN THE WITCH!”

We’ll see if Sarah shows up today.

And yes, I am bringing a baggie of Kleenex and a mini-hand-sanitizer bottle as a gift for Sarah just in case today’s class is a repeat of yesterday’s hot messitude.

Professor L vs. the 14th amendment:

Professor L: “Let me quote directly here from the amendment… hm…where is it? Sorry… I momentarily forgot how to read roman numerals…”

Professor L hears [...]]]> I have Professor L again for Constitutional Law. I love the class, but even if I didn’t, the asides would make it totally worth it.

Professor L vs. the 14th amendment:

Professor L: “Let me quote directly here from the amendment… hm…where is it? Sorry… I momentarily forgot how to read roman numerals…”

Professor L hears a voice:

Professor L (looking down at the seating chart): “Mr. Smith?”
Jack Smith: “Here!”
Professor L (looking up): “Where are you? I just heard a voice…hearing voices! That’s all I need!”

Professor L trips:

Professor L: “Woops! Sorry. There’s a little wire here. I’ll probably fall on my face at some point…”

Professor L says stay healthy:

Professor L: “I was asked to record today’s class because a number of your colleagues are sick today with the swine flu or something. I suspect this is only going to get worse, so wash your hands regularly, carry Purell, refuse to shake hands with people, and stay healthy!”

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Professor L see:

• How Jill became that girl
• Ms. D dropped out…a long time ago
• OTR: Professor L
• Professor L gets headbutted
• OTR: Professor L & the two stoners

]]> This is me preparing for my oral argument:

The preparation was frustrating, but fun! And the actual argument went very well.

Professor M: “Okay, well, I’m going to start calling, and we’ll see how this goes…”

I was prepared for a painful reenactment of Statutory Interpretation2, but the first person Professor M called on was actually here!

Professor M: “Hannah Shooty?” Hannah: “Here. It’s Slew-tee.” Professor M: [...]]]> It’s the day before spring break, and the attendance in Corporate law is sparse.¹

Professor M: “Okay, well, I’m going to start calling, and we’ll see how this goes…”

I was prepared for a painful reenactment of Statutory Interpretation², but the first person Professor M called on was actually here!

Professor M: “Hannah Shooty?”
Hannah: “Here. It’s Slew-tee.”
Professor M: “Mooty?”
Hannah: “Slew-tee.”
Professor M: “Su-tee? Smooty?”
Hannah: “Um..”
Professor M: “Shooy? Mooey? Um, how about Hannah! So Hannah, what happened in this case?”

A-BOOM-a-noom! Both of us crash down to the floor and hit our heads on the ledge behind our seats…and hilarity ensued.2

Professor M: “Oh my god! [...]]]> So I’m in Corporations, reading¹ a slide about the Business Judgment Rule. My classmate sitting next to me starts to lean back in his chair and we hear a snap:

A-BOOM-a-noom! Both of us crash down to the floor and hit our heads on the ledge behind our seats…and hilarity ensued.²

Professor M: “Oh my god! Are you guys okay?”
(The entire class laughs, as we scramble back up)
Me: “Yes, but you now have to change your seating chart, ‘cus we’re moving!”
(We dust ourselves off and move our stuff, the laughing intensifies).
Professor M: “Yes! I’ll do that right now actually!”³

Law school is all grace and poise, don’tcha know?

Professor M: “Wait, I also teach statutory interpretation and I don’t want you guys to assume the way Delaware treats statutes is the way that you should treat statutes. They jump right to common law.”

Professor M: “It’s like ‘bye bye [...]]]> Professor M feels strongly about Delaware’s statutory interpretation practices. Yes, there was a stamping of feet:

Professor M: “Wait, I also teach statutory interpretation and I don’t want you guys to assume the way Delaware treats statutes is the way that you should treat statutes. They jump right to common law.”

Professor M: “It’s like ‘bye bye statute! We don’t care about the statute! We are just going to go with the common law.’ (Professor slams book) “This is typical for Delaware. Don’t bother us pesky legislature!”

Professor M: “…I shouldn’t be so contemptuous of the legislature. The drafters really know what they are doing, but it doesn’t stop the courts from ignoring them anyway…”

Professor M: “Minority shareholders are frequently not stupid.”

Professor M: “There are many ways to skin a cat in corporate law. Corporate lawyers are very resourceful. If a client wants something, they find a way to get it done, at least as long as it’s not blatantly unethical.”

Jill posited [...]]]> Nuggets of Corporate Law wisdom from Professor M:

Professor M: “Minority shareholders are frequently not stupid.”

Professor M: “There are many ways to skin a cat in corporate law. Corporate lawyers are very resourceful. If a client wants something, they find a way to get it done, at least as long as it’s not blatantly unethical.”

Jill posited that shareholder agreements could be used to protect minority shareholders. Professor M didn’t buy it:

Professor M: “Okay, that’s the Kum-Ba-Yah, “gee cant we all get along” reason for this…does anyone else have something more sinister?”

Then we got to Ronnen v. Ajax:

Professor M: “I hope you all learn enough in this class to never write a shareholder agreement¹ like this. You will understand why this was wrong in every way it could possibly be wrong.”

Professor M: “Do shareholders get to vote their shares in day to day operations? The answer is NO! No, no, no, no, NO! They do NOT! One of the most basic principles of this course!”

Professor M: “Okay, let’s go with someone else. Jack Smith?”

Jill: “He’s not here today.”

Professor M: “Hm. Okay, what about John Doe?”

(Silence)

Professor M: “Fine, what about Andy Johnson?”

(Silence, a few chuckles)

Professor M: “…erm, Sarah Patel?”

(some people start laughing)

Professor M: “What are the odds?! I mean, [...]]]> After questioning Jill for 20 minutes, Professor M tried to move on:

Professor M: “Okay, let’s go with someone else. Jack Smith?”

Jill: “He’s not here today.”

Professor M: “Hm. Okay, what about John Doe?”

(Silence)

Professor M: “Fine, what about Andy Johnson?”

(Silence, a few chuckles)

Professor M: “…erm, Sarah Patel?”

(some people start laughing)

Professor M: “What are the odds?! I mean, MOST of you are here! See what happens when you don’t show up… Okay, okay, what about John Williams?”

John: “Here!”

(class applauds)

Professor M: “And can shareholders act with written consent in Delaware?” Jack: “I didn’t catch that in the reading.” Professor M: “And you wouldn’t have caught it in the reading unless you read the statutes I assigned for today! Well?” (Deathly silence. Jack blushes) Professor M: “Does [...]]]> We just a semi-brutal moment in Corporations. The professor started with yesterday’s reading:

Professor M: “And can shareholders act with written consent in Delaware?”
Jack: “I didn’t catch that in the reading.”
Professor M: “And you wouldn’t have caught it in the reading unless you read the statutes I assigned for today! Well?”
(Deathly silence. Jack blushes)
Professor M: “Does anyone know the answer?”
(More awkward silence)
Professor M: “I’m disappointed. I’m not surprised, but disappointed.”

Why isn’t Professor M surprised? General incompetence? Nope. Today is the day before “Winter Break.”

“Winter Break” is a four day weekend at UMN Law. I think Winter Break is designed to help 1L retention. Our professors told us to “take some time off to do things we love.”

No one bought that line.

Grades are in. Classes, legal writing and the 1L summer job hunt are in full swing. This is our 4-day catch up weekend and we are grateful for it. But whether Winter Break is the reason no one read the Corporations statutes is another matter…