My dear, sweet, bacon-scented, dahling 0Ls: calm down.

So this is what happens: Your type-A student gets accepted, picks a law school, and then proceeds to freak out and annoy everyone.

I did it too, but it’s obnoxious. So stop.

If you are going to UMN law school in the fall, just email me if you have questions. [...]]]> Grasshoppers!

My dear, sweet, bacon-scented, dahling 0Ls: calm down.

So this is what happens: Your type-A student gets accepted, picks a law school, and then proceeds to freak out and annoy everyone.

I did it too, but it’s obnoxious. So stop.

If you are going to UMN law school in the fall, just email me if you have questions. Plenty of your future classmates are already in contact. I’ll either answer your questions or put you into contact with someone who can.

If you’re starting at another school, look over the advice posts (here) and Wish I Would Have Known. And if you have any burning questions after that, tweet me, and I can check if I know anyone at your school that I can put you into contact with.

But dear 0Ls, one rule: do not make an ass of yourself before you start school.

I know you are bored and therefore stressing unnecessarily. I know you feel the urge to harrass anyone you can find at your school with petty requests and unreasonable demands. I understand. I sympathize. But stop. You’re being ignorant.

And let’s be clear: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES is it ever okay to get bitchy with the staff of your future law school. Ever.

Do not get bitchy with admissions.

Do not get bitchy with the dean’s office.

Do not get bitchy with the book store staff.

And for god’s sake, do not sass the law librarian. Thanks.

You cannot puff out your chest and demand things in law school. This is not undergrad. Complaining is not the way to make friends and influence people at your new school. You’re just going to get flagged as a problem student and experience chafing.

The other day, Jill came across a 0L in the school bookstore who threw a tantrum because she could not get her books early. Orientation is a month away! Calm down. Read a book. Take a yoga class. Find Jesus. Do what you need to do, just don’t burn bridges before you’re an official student.

I know you are excited for law school, but you really need to do two things before school starts:

1. Trust your school. You don’t have your class schedule or reading lists for a reason.
2. Relax. A month from now you will wish that you spent August relaxing instead of wringing your hands. Orientation will come. The semester will start. Worrying about it won’t make it happen any faster.

If you really want a sneak peak at law school: read the archives, and check out the 1L posts here, here, here, and here…and on any of the sites listed on this blog.

And if in doubt, ask a student.

Yours in Beyonce.
– Jansen, Your Crusty 3L friend.

1) Prestige. Unless you are considering a top 5 or top 10 school, focus on what city or region you want to practice law in.

For example, if you want to live in Seattle, then [...]]]> Since my last advice post I received a lot of messages from 0Ls trying to choose between schools. Here are three common themes:

1) Prestige.
Unless you are considering a top 5 or top 10 school, focus on what city or region you want to practice law in.

For example, if you want to live in Seattle, then going to Less Prestigious School of Law in downtown Seattle is probably a better idea than going to a “top 40” school in Georgia.

The top 10-40 schools will tout the few alumni who made it in swank, distant cities to oversell their national reputation. Go to the “okay” school in the city you want to practice in, volunteer, build a network of local attorneys and land a job.

2) Employment rates.
Ignore them. The job market sucks unless you go to an elite (top 5) school.

If a school is waiving around a really high employment rate, call up the career office and ask them these questions:

• Does your employment percentage represent the entire class or just the students who responded to the survey?
• How many students responded to the survey? Did you verify their employment or is it self-reported?
• What exactly counts as “employment” in this survey? How many of these students have paid, full-time positions that require a JD?

You’ll find that many schools count any employment towards their numbers. The student with a research position with a professor that ends a month after graduation counts. The student volunteering at a non-profit counts. The barista counts. If you ask how many of a school’s students actually go on to become paid full-time lawyers, you’ll find a lot of trapeze artists.

3) Specific programs.

Law school is a big investment, so you have the right to ask questions before you get into a crushing amount of debt. If you have a passion for a particular area of law, ask the admissions office to put you into contact with a professor that teaches the subject.

If admissions is unhelpful, then you can always look up the professor on the school’s website, and email them yourself. A simple email will do –

“Hello, My name is Jill Smith. I am an accepted student interested in insurance law. Can you tell me more about Whatever Law School’s insurance law program? I am specifically interested in car insurance…”

I know this sounds scary, but you might just find a mentor, and the worst they can do is ignore you, …which is also telling.

Notes and Binders:

Your class-note organization needs will differ whether you take notes on a laptop or hand-write. I hand-write for [...]]]> I got received a facebook question from a 0L (who did not take my advice to run) about staying organized in law school. My response is below. Current law students should add tips/disagree in the comments!

Notes and Binders:

Your class-note organization needs will differ whether you take notes on a laptop or hand-write. I hand-write for some classes but I invariably lose my notes to coffee or car trunk gnomes if I do not transcribe the notes quickly.

UMN law forces us to buy school laptops, but possibly the one good thing about my spastic school laptop is that it came with Microsoft OneNote, which is amazing.

OneNote is sort of like MS Word, but it looks like a binder. It has tabs, and auto-saves whatever you type. You can“print” PDFs and powerpoints into OneNote, so your folder for a class will contain everything you need come finals time. OneNote even lets you highlight the PDFs, and share your folders online if you’re feeling generous.

As far as binders and such… I would hold off buying anything other than maybe pens, one legal pad, and a bag (and please no rolly bags!) until you get the syllabi for your classes. Most of the stuff the bookstore scares you into buying (before you know what you actually need) will just collect dust under your futon.

Study Aids, Dictionaries:

And please don’t buy and supplements or study aids yet. My friends and I wasted so much money on crap we didn’t need.

Westlaw and Lexis are the two online legal research systems that your school will probably give you passwords to during orientation. Lexis has course outlines, and Westlaw has black’s law dictionary, treatises, summaries of law, and topical digests. All of it is online for free. And even if you buy the print version you’ll probably find yourself using the online version anyway because of the convenience.

And, if you cannot resist wasting money, then just get a very small pocket law dictionary. But again, everything is online, for free. If find that you desperately need a print-form-something-or-other during the semester then your school bookstore will still have it.

Time Management:

Scheduling was a little crazy for me during my 1L year because my school had Lexis training, Westlaw training, special 1L seminars, club meetings, etc. and was not very good about communicating exactly when things were.

I recommend Windows Calendar if you have a PC. Windows Calendar is a free program that comes with Vista, and it is similar to Apple’s free calendar program and Google Calendar. What I like about Windows Calendar is that it lets me set alarms, so my computer will flash, buzz, and do the chacha to remind me of an appointment.

If you have a SmartPhone, you can also use that to remind you things.

Also keep a print version of your class schedule. All of us forgot were our classes were during the first few weeks, and because no one knows where they are going, it isn’t uncommon to have a pack of 1Ls waiting in the wrong room because they saw “someone” go into it. Don’t be that person.

One more time management tip! Make “no” your default answer to things that you aren’t super-passionate about. An easy way to decline these invitations (to club meetings, bar night, canasta, etc.) is to say, “I have to decline because I think I have something scheduled for that time/day, but if anything changes I’ll let you know.”

Then, once you get in front of your calendar and reading assignment list, you can figure out if you really DO want to attend whatever you just declined.

(See also 5 steps to productivity)

Food Management:

And, although I am not sure if this fits really into the organization category, or just a time management/health thing, but, my friends and I noticed ourselves eating out a lot during 1L year.

It is far easier to suck it up and go to the grocery store once a week and take an hour on Sunday to cook basics – plain meat, rice, pasta, etc. and to throw in tupperware for the week.

Then everyday you can just pull out your tubs of pre-prepared basics, do different combinations, dress them up with whatever fresh sides (fruit, etc.) or seasonings, and then have a quick meal original meal.

It sounds like a lot of work , but this is much quicker and cheaper than waiting in line at Chipotle.

Hope this helps!

• Law School Advice
• Please don’t drop out…
• Blue Booking tips (for legal writing)
• Advice for the gunners (And more on gunners)
• Why I avoid the law library
• Blawging & Casual relationships
• Not-so-hopeful exam advice…

And apparently there’s no volume either. Great. ]]> As with everything else in law school…

And apparently there’s no volume either. Great.

This week I officially became the caretaker for my apartment building. This means I have a set of master keys and get [...]]]> Didn’t I just do one of these week in review posts? I did. But the last review post was late. I promised to get better about it. This is me fulfilling that promise. Hi.

This week I officially became the caretaker for my apartment building. This means I have a set of master keys and get to explore all of the super-creepy storage areas in the basement.

Most of the rooms are straight out of a horror movie – spider webs, dust, filth, former tenants’ abandoned belongings…old dolls…

I only took that picture because I didn’t want to venture into that crawl space.

This week I’m moving into a new apartment in my building. It is a sublevel apartment that has more room for the dogs. Tomorrow I sign the lease and plan on installing metal security bars on the windows so Gertrude doesn’t eat any would-be intruders…

Apartment life picked up and my dating life finally calmed. Last month my dating life resembled a Bravo TV show: eight contestants, tacky shoes, weekly eliminations, product placement…

I then had a mass elimination, two surprise front runners, and then another arms-in-the-air elimination. Most of these guys fit neatly into my five categories, or just had very weak long-term potential. The judges don’t like that.

And don’t get me wrong…these contestants are perfectly nice. The main non-substance-abuse-related reason why these guys get the boot is their sheer timidness. I hate that.

I need a guy who is easy – and not in the “here, let me share my love-bumps” sort of way. I need a guy who is self-confident enough to be comfortable around me and doesn’t shoot me that meek “nerd asking Cindy Cheerleader to prom” look.

I am sure many people think that sort of vulnerability is cute, but to me it just screams: “Wilting flower! Change water daily to avoid mold.”

And because many of these guys read this blog, I have managed to develop a fifth category of suitor: Boca Boys.

Like their fake burger namesakes, these guys look like they have the substance of the real thing but taste funny and leave me wondering, “Where’s the beef?”

The Boca Boys are the shy, self-conscious guys who read my posts about how shy, self-conscious guys need not apply and decide to fake self-confidence in order to stay in the race.

The Boca Boy will constantly ask me to hang out and then give me the same wilting flower look that I hate getting. Boca Boys make me feel like I am on a date with Skee-Lo.

And like the soy-crap pretending to be a burger, these guys come with great packaging but leave me thoroughly underwhelmed every time.

Again, Skee-Lo is cute, but he has the green light.

And this is not to say all of this past week’s dates were underwhelming. But it’s not polite to write about the good dates now is it?

Besides dealing with cob-webs and Boca Boys, I spent the majority of my week at work and working on the album. This week’s new song features everyone’s favorite Maverick, Ms. Palin.

I also think Brandon is going to rap on a track. And I’m still waiting on Amy and An Vu… sigh.

As a crusty rising 3L, I don’t blog about school much anymore. Law school lost its new car smell about a year ago. The pedals stick, and the engine leaks.

But I remember how useful law student blogs were to me during the summer before law [...]]]> The acceptance letters are out and the 0Ls  are announcing themselves. Hi.

As a crusty rising 3L, I don’t blog about school much anymore. Law school lost its new car smell about a year ago. The pedals stick, and the engine leaks.

But I remember how useful law student blogs were to me during the summer before law school, so I feel obligated to throw some unsolicited advice out into the interweb. Grab your salt, and guard your loins.

And don’t worry. I’ll be concise. Here are 5 points:

1. Reconsider going to law school. Click here to read Philalawyer’s open letter to pre-law students. Read the entire thing. I’ll be here when you are done.

Now, when I tell an accepted law student to read Philalawyer’s letter, I get the same response: “Oh, well, gee, that sounds TERRIBLE! But well, it’ll be different for me.”

I have three things to say to that:

1. You may be smart, but you are an idiot.
2. You are the equivalent of the 18 year olds signing up for the military during a war, many of whom turn out not to be bulletproof.
3. You could do worse.

Just like joining the military is preferable to say, doing meth, law school is also not a terrible mistake for most people. It may be a waste of three years of your life and a lot of money, but again, it’s not meth. You’ll be fine. Maybe.

So, for those of you soldiering on,

2. Summer reading: if you only read one thing, then read “First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You” by Ann Demarais and Valerie White. The most jarring thing about law school is the amount of unchecked douchebaggery going around. It’s absolutely shocking and needs to stop.

I am pretty sure that classroom etiquette sessions are part of my school’s orientation schedule next year, but the vast majority if schools don’t offer these sessions, so it is your duty not to be “that student” during orientation.

Also visit student blogs and go through the archives. Law student blogs are best orientation you can get.

Some of the classic law student blogs include: But No Thanks, Butterflyfish, and New Kid on the Hallway. But check the rest of the blogs linked on the left side of the page, and those linked at Evan Schaeffer’s Legal Underground.

3. Orientation: I’ve written about this before, and I think my 5 rules are pretty solid:

1. Dress Appropriately. Advice and debate is here, but the gist is that you need to wipe the ramen from your shirt and look put together.
2. Check the hormones, aka, fluid exchange should not be a part of the greeting process in professional school.
3. Check the ego, or your classmates will know you’re an asshole.
4. Don’t overshare, or your classmates will know you’re a hot mess.
5. Hold the hooch, because the evidence will be on facebook forever.

4. Student loan money: schools are oddly silent about this. Basically, if you take the full amount of student loans you will probably have around $1,000 per month to live on. But student loans can come very late, so make sure you have enough money for your deposit, first month’s rent, furniture, books, and whatever other living supplies you need, like food, if you’re into that. ‘

Considering putting off law school to work and save if you have to, because you are at a material disadvantage to Timmy Trustfund and Sally Second-Career when you are struggling to pay rent during 1L year.

And frankly, if you didn’t get into a top 10 law school and got a full ride to a law school in say, the top 100, then going debt-free is a good idea.

If you are unemployed after graduating from Underwhelming Law School (#70) then at least you are debt-free, whereas if you went into debt for Okay University School of Law (#35) and didn’t get a job, then you’re just a trapeze artist in debt, and, well, screwed.

5. Blog! Go to wordpress.com and start your blog today. There are many reasons to blog, including:

1. Journaling your experience, because having an archive of a semester is priceless.
2. Efficiently keeping in touch with your friends and family.
3. Managing your web presence.
4. Networking with lawyers, peers, and a community of law student bloggers throughout the world.

More on that is here. I also have some tips on how to avoid getting into trouble.

That’s it grasshoppers. My duty to offer my one-and-a-half cents is fulfilled, and I will now return to blogging about dogs, drag queens, and music production.

If you do, somehow, have any more questions then tweet me at @dennisjansen or hit up Huma, who is far more competent, although slightly violent, at @huma_rashid.

Law school feels like a scam. It is like discovering that your [...]]]> This summer my classmates and I are moving past law school and seeking post-graduation employment. This process involves a good deal of anger because we now realize how bad the job market is and how little our “prestigious” school actually prepared us for legal work. 

Law school feels like a scam. It is like discovering that your “computer skills” degree from Global Flybynight University is useless, and that GFU is actually unaccredited. 

Jill: “Just imagine standing over a toilet and flushing down $100,000. That’s what law school is like. And it’s horrible. It makes you chubby, and awkward, and miserable, and you actually pay for this…” 

Ironically, the things that make us employable have nothing to do with school because job interviews focus on prior work experience, social media skills, and extracurriculars. No one actually cares where we went to school, and the crap¹ that impresses professors does not impress most employers, especially for non-traditional jobs. 

There is an upside here: the scarcity of jobs, depressed wages, and the lack of job security has put formerly “risky” non-traditional careers on par with traditional legal employment. This means that more of us are following our passions since the formerly “safe” traditional legal employment prospects² are just as bad. If we are going to be baristas anyway, then why not barista while pursing a career as a trapeze artist? 

I also think more students are demanding healthy working environments. Why beat down the door for a hellacious 90-hour a week gig? The non-traditional, less stressful alternative doesn’t seem like a waste of a degree anymore. We’ve heard about the associate abuse, and if the job security at the end of the tunnel is no longer there, then the question becomes: for what?

² Law school is also like undergoing bootcamp. We are more disciplined and organized about our pursuits than before, and probably better equipped for any career because of our legal studies…but we still want our $100,000 back.

Me: “You finished! Congrats! How does it feel to finish law school?” Amber: “I…I don’t know. I don’t feel anything…” Me: “Excitement?” Amber: “No, well, …no. Nothing. I feel shell shocked. I mean, I think I am excited, but I don’t feel it. It’s like people who go to war…” Me: “…what?” Amber: [...]]]> Amber ended law school on a high note:

Me: “You finished! Congrats! How does it feel to finish law school?”
Amber: “I…I don’t know. I don’t feel anything…”
Me: “Excitement?”
Amber: “No, well, …no. Nothing. I feel shell shocked. I mean, I think I am excited, but I don’t feel it. It’s like people who go to war…”
Me: “…what?”
Amber: “It’s like coming out of a war because I just feel like I need to go home and cry and wallow in my PTSD.”
Me: “…oh my.”
Amber: “Yes. I know. It’s all very traumatizing. I’ll be happy tomorrow. Maybe.”

Other Amber posts:

• Amber meets dolly
• Amber’s talking stick
• Amber’s skill and competence
• Amber’s fashion sense

The past few days were full of long hours at the library, late nights at the office, post-finals celebrations, dog walks, rollerblading, dancing, cackling, and even a date. My goodness. How exhausting.

That second picture is of Jack and his crush, Jared McDreamy. Look at those cheesy smiles. Sigh.

And the [...]]]> Exams are over. I’m a 3L, and thrilled.

The past few days were full of long hours at the library, late nights at the office, post-finals celebrations, dog walks, rollerblading, dancing, cackling, and even a date.


My goodness. How exhausting.

That second picture is of Jack and his crush, Jared McDreamy. Look at those cheesy smiles. Sigh.

And the last exams?

A 3L said it best after Wednesday’s corporate tax law final:

Pissed 3L: “No other institution could get away with this. This is ridiculous. No other for-profit business could provide such shitty service for what they charge. Nothing works. The wireless doesn’t work. The printers don’t work. The staplers don’t work. Nothing fucking works in this entire school.”

I thought about that quote the next day while printing my Advanced Estate Planning exam.

I printed my exam from the computer lab because on Sunday I wasted an entire hour trying to print my international tax law outline from my laptop and I did not have the energy to go through that ordeal again.

I was also bleeding during my exam. That morning the dogs and I got caught in a rain storm during our morning walk. The rottweiler tripped me as we ran back home and I kissed some concrete. I noticed that my jeans were covered in blood when I got in my car to go to school. The skin of my knee was scraped off, but luckily I have a ton of first-aid supplies left over from 1L year.

So there I am, in the computer lab, printing while ignoring the throbbing pain of my knee, and of course there are no staples. BAH HUMBUG.

An empty stapler during the school year is a slight inconvenience, but an empty stapler during finals is worse than leggings. Well, maybe not…

At least it’s over.

Tomorrow I am going to the office for a few hours and then heading to a cafe to read a novel. Non-law students may not appreciate how glorious that is, but it trust me. It’s amazing.

One more year. Vöt!

Crazy hobo ala “I will boil your rabbit”: Zoned-out, “Oops did my brains leak out my ear?”

As far as my exam prep… I think I am fried. No, I KNOW I am fried because I will study a chapter of the book, listen to a recording of the class for that [...]]]> I have two looks right now.

Crazy hobo ala “I will boil your rabbit”:

Zoned-out, “Oops did my brains leak out my ear?”

As far as my exam prep… I think I am fried. No, I KNOW I am fried because I will study a chapter of the book, listen to a recording of the class for that chapter, and then when I look at a problem in the book:

Book: “Corp A and Corp B, bla, bla, blasay bla-bla-bla, $800,000. What are the tax consequences of the above transaction to the shareholders?”
Me: “…I …have…no…fucking idea…what does the word ‘tax‘ mean again? Where am I? Why is Adam Lambert glaring at me?”

I am marching across the river to the law library, printing the final version of the outline, and hoping that Red Lobster has a position for me as a line cook.