In front of me are two African women. In front of them is a middle aged woman. She’s soaked with sweat.

Of course she turns around and addresses the African women:

Margie McSweaty: “I’m sweating! And it’s not that it is hot. [...]]]> I am in line at one of the many Starbucks in the Mall of America.

In front of me are two African women. In front of them is a middle aged woman. She’s soaked with sweat.

Of course she turns around and addresses the African women:

Margie McSweaty: “I’m sweating! And it’s not that it is hot. I know that it is not hot, but I get hot. I get so hot that I sweat until I am soaked. Then I cool down, and get cold. Freezing. It’s terrible. This is what you have to look forward to!”

The African women don’t quite know how to react to this menopausal over-share. The awkwardness is delicious.

This is why I love Minnesota.

January: The semester starts.

I will finish my outline for Wednesday’s corporate tax law exam tonight and see if I need more than one day to prepare. I think I just need to force myself to [...]]]> Stella and I are holed up at Starbucks studying for finals.
My international tax law exam is self-scheduled. I may take it tomorrow. Possibly, maybe.

I will finish my outline for Wednesday’s corporate tax law exam tonight and see if I need more than one day to prepare. I think I just need to force myself to take these self-scheduled exams early lest I focus on too many irrelevant/obscure things. I think 80% of finals prep is a waste of time, so I am trying (desperately) to be more efficient.

…and crazy “reads aloud in foreign languages” hobo is here. He’s usually at the Purple Onion but decided to make a guest appearance at Starbucks to distract us. He was reading in Arabic, now he’s reading aloud in Italian, and we are pretty sure he doesn’t speak either language. I don’t know what’s going on, but after a few more hours in the treasury regulations I might start speaking in tongues too…

Oh, and Starbucks had “happy hour” today, which meant half-priced beverages and a line that stretched outside of the door for the better part of 2 hours:

The undergrads couldn’t chase me down for snickering and taking their picture because they didn’t want to lose their place in line. Hah! This happy-hour promotion goes all week, so I will have a captive audience for when I snap and start reading tax regs aloud. Buhaha…

Usually the view is great, but today’s snowstorm makes the usual view of Downtown Minneapolis a little [...]]]> The law school building contains brilliant people, but has the aesthetic appeal of a leaky basement. This is why so many of us sneak over to the business school, which has windows and a full-service Starbucks. Behold:

Usually the view is great, but today’s snowstorm makes the usual view of Downtown Minneapolis a little hard to see…

Downtown is still there, somewhere, sort of... but the snowed-out view is still preferable to the dungeon law school building.

Note: “My legal space” is a law school version of Kristy/Kootoyoo.com’s “My Creative Space” post series. The purpose of “My Legal Space” is to make law students more conscious about where they choose to study.

Barista #1 is a middle aged black woman with an accent. Barista #2 is a teenage Hispanic student.

Me: “May I have a venti dark roast with room?” Barista #1: “Sure. Hm, this is a refill so it will be 54 cents.”

I pull out my card.

Barista #1: “You don’t have 54 [...]]]> I’m at the Starbucks in the student union.

Barista #1 is a middle aged black woman with an accent.
Barista #2 is a teenage Hispanic student.

Me: “May I have a venti dark roast with room?”
Barista #1: “Sure. Hm, this is a refill so it will be 54 cents.”

I pull out my card.

Barista #1: “You don’t have 54 cents?”
Me: “Oh, I have a dollar. Here.”
Barista #1: “Good. You don’t want to swipe your card for such a small amount.”
Me: “Yeah, I’m bad about carrying cash…I should go to the ATM.”
Barista #2 (who is making the drinks): “Oh who carries cash anymore?! The only people who carry cash now a-days are drug dealers, banks, and Indians.”

Barista #1 gasps, and we both look at Barista #2.

We then look at the Indian woman¹ who was waiting for her drink. She’s glaring at Barista #2 as if he just bitch-slapped her child.

Barista #2 (to me): “What?”
Me: “I honestly don’t know how to respond to that…but uh, I’ll got to ATM later. Have a nice day!”

I snatched my coffee and limped away before any drama could start.

Me: “May I have a large dark roast with room for cream?” Barista: “Sure, anything else?” Me (pulling out tumbler): “Yes, may I have a latte with six shots of espresso in the tumbler?” Barista (gasping): “You want what?” Me: “A latte with six shots.” Barista: “How many?” Me: “Six.” Barista: “Six?” Me: “Yes. Six. I [...]]]> So I walk up to the Caribou counter,

Me: “May I have a large dark roast with room for cream?”
Barista: “Sure, anything else?”
Me (pulling out tumbler): “Yes, may I have a latte with six shots of espresso in the tumbler?”
Barista (gasping): “You want what?”
Me: “A latte with six shots.”
Barista: “How many?”
Me: “Six.”
Barista: “Six?”
Me: “Yes. Six. I basically want you to fill up this tumbler with espresso and put a dash of milk on top for show.”

The cashier-Barista gives me a filthy look and then puts the order in. There was another Barista who was making the drinks. The drink-maker looked at her order screen and gasped.

Drink-Barista: “He wants what?”
Cashier-Barista (calling over): “Six shots.”
Drink-Barista: “Six shots?!”
Cashier-Barista: “Yes.”
Drink-Barista: “Of espresso?”
Me: “Yes. Of espresso. Don’t judge.”

And no, I’m not crazy.

My new tumbler¹ actually keeps beverages hot. Plus, milk at my job is free.²

So the purpose of getting a 6-shot latte for the tumbler and a normal cup filled with coffee is that I can make lattes on my own without having to run back to the store throughout the night. So it’s really only like order 3 lattes over a 6 hour period… which isn’t that bad. Or so I tell myself…

I refuse to go to the Java City cafes. I started boycotting Java City because of the bitchy anti-Starbucks comments from the baristas. They see my tumbler [...]]]> The University of Minnesota  has a fairly good selection of coffee shops: 3 Dunn Brothers, 2 Starbucks, 2 Java City stores, Einstein Bros, and various campus convenience stores.

I refuse to go to the Java City cafes. I started boycotting Java City because of the bitchy anti-Starbucks comments from the baristas. They see my tumbler and start brewing the hateraid:

I give my tumbler to the Java City baristas and hear:

“Ew, Starbucks! Gross! When are you going to get a Java City tumbler?”

Um, excuse me? Do they even make Java City tumblers? That’s like rocking a Ross T-shirt…

Java City is the Cooley Law School of coffee shops. Java City is what university dining services uses when it can’t attract a real coffee franchise. That’s right. The Java City baristas aren’t even Java City employees*, and yet they bitch about my Starbucks tumbler. Pfft!

Besides, the constant tumbler comments are simply bad customer service. You don’t have a tip jar because it would hurt your feelings…

Hence the boycott – I refuse to accept snark from bootleg foot court baristas who can be transferred to Panda Express tomorrow. I’m taking my money to a real coffee shop**.

** I also really like the off campus Dunn Brothers and Caribou Coffee… the neighborhood Caribou shut down though…

Lexis has a very liberal point system. You get points for researching, tutorials, and 400 points-a-pop for those goofy searches that the Lexis rep emails.

Lexis will give you a $5 Starbucks gift card for 400 points, and a $10 gift card for 715 points.

I’ve received five $10 gift cards [...]]]> LexisNexis is pretty much a big deal.*

Lexis has a very liberal point system. You get points for researching, tutorials, and 400 points-a-pop for those goofy searches that the Lexis rep emails.

Lexis will give you a $5 Starbucks gift card for 400 points, and a $10 gift card for 715 points.

I’ve received five $10 gift cards so far.

That’s right. $50 in coffee. Thank you mam.

Today I’m studying for my contracts final at Starbucks, courtesy of Lexis. I hand the gift card to the chipper Barista and she asks, “Haveya registered your card yet?”

Me: (mumbling) “no… I haven’t… it’s only for $10 so…”
Barista: “Well! If ya register it you get free refills dontcha know! That’ll be 54 cents, oh, wait! Someone registered it for you. Your refills are free! Here-ya-go dontcha know!”

Holler Lexis. Holler.

Despite Lexis’s bribes, I still do most of my research on Westlaw because I’ve learned Westlaw’s shorthand for restatements… for example, “Rest 2d Contr 90” will pull up “Restatement (Second) of Contracts § 90: Promise Reasonably Inducing Action Or Forbearance.” I’m sure Lexis has a similar shorthand… I just haven’t bothered to learn it yet.

Westlaw also has a point system, but doesn’t offer gift cards. And uh, everything I’ve seen on Westlaw Rewards costs about 10,000 more points than I have. Maybe I’ll get a highlighter someday…

* No, I’m not a student rep, nor am I being paid for this.

Update **********
Apparently the coffee is so delicious that I feel the need to pour it all over myself. Wee! ITS SO WARM! (but not scalding) I’m not getting up for a while…

Update #2 **********
The fun continues on facebook…

Last night I was revising my legal writing assignment at the Freighthouse when I suddenly became hungry.

Dunn Bros (like Starbucks) sells an assortment of overpriced sandwiches and Naked Juice. They also sell breakfast burritos.

So I bought a breakfast burrito around 6pm.

And it did not occur to me at [...]]]> I obviously have little experience with Breakfast Burritos…

Last night I was revising my legal writing assignment at the Freighthouse when I suddenly became hungry.

Dunn Bros (like Starbucks) sells an assortment of overpriced sandwiches and Naked Juice. They also sell breakfast burritos.

So I bought a breakfast burrito around 6pm.

And it did not occur to me at the time that breakfast burritos are typically put out…at breakfast.

Dunn Bros opens at 6am. So yeah, that egg-based burrito was probably sitting out for 12 hours.

No. It was out for 12 hours – because within 20 minutes I was furiously biking home,…and yeah…I was ill for the rest of the evening. Bleh.

[the gory details omitted]

I’m making up for yesterday’s lack of productivity between classes today. Hm, hm, hm.

Yesterday’s lesson: think before you eat.