Here’s an outline of my spring semester. A lot happened…

January: The semester starts.

• First day of Family Law, and things are ridiculous.
• Glamour shots with the dogs.
• Wait, the semester already started?
• No thank you mam: dropping my Housing Clinic.
• Colbie Caillat, Uncle Kracker, and Dead Hamsters.
• Epic night with Eric ends with glamour shots:



• Law school starts to smell, probably because not everyone wears shoes.
• I need ice skates to walk the dogs!
• Perfume bombs and hobos.
• Toilet cover shopping.
• Our trivia team starts to shrink.
• Moot court…uh, what the hell is going on?
• Dude, where’s my grade?
• Branding issues.
• What am I driving behind?
• I get dumped, drag queens throw up:



• Studying, work, dating, and a very dramatic house party.
• Someone is sneaking into my bed.

February: Things get busy…and snowy.

• The Rottweiler eats my phone!
• Red-Eyed oral Arguments.
• The basement floods.
• I get a Blackberry, and spend three hours at the Sprint Store.
• More crime drama by school.
• Nathan is SO cute with the dogs!
• Adventures with Jeremy, zombies…
• My week visualized.
• Spending some serious time studying at Starbucks.
• Family Law = crazy.
• Unwanted showers.
• Watching TV again…sort of…
• It snows…a lot. Eek.
• Passive aggressive notes – on my car!



• Eric’s not really choking her… I think.
• The law school makeover:



• Running into my favorite neighbor at the Spyhouse.
• Coffee shops, studying, kitsch…
• Vogue battles and obese-overshare.
• Minneapolis traffic comes with a view.
• Tax law at the Spyhouse.
• Ms. Ass Speaks:

Ms. Ass: “…I get what he’s saying about names. My parents love me, but my initials are “A.S.S.”

I was only briefly traumatized in 2nd grade when the 5th graders found out… but in undergrad, Bumble University used our initials as our email address. So when applying to law school, I had to get documentation from Bumble U that I did not pick “ASSØØ4@bumble.edu” to be my email.”

• A wheelchair is not a car. Just sayin…
• I’m bald.
• Snow romp!
• Finally finished my moot court brief. Bejesus.
• Negligently annoying.
• Eric laughs at my parking. Pfft.
• Dear prospective law students: Run.
• The ice is here.
• Recap: dancing, dating, messitude.
• Unleashing the Kraken!
• Why the hallway is wet.
• Social media, networking, and why it matters.
• Why I don’t buy cold medicine at school.
• One of my favorite study spots…Dunn Brothers!
• Dating, romance fail…



• Why it is okay for me to kill these dogs.

March: Height of the semester.

• Studying with hipsters, students.
• Social anxiety…Minnesota = Crazy.
• Wait, what? Mannequins and hearses… okay.
• The Flat-Tire at the Mexican/Italians.
• Judd, drool:



• Hoar frost, muck.
• Offending the boyfriend’s friends, Trivia, clerkship in the provinces…
• CHOMP!
• Prelaw resources.
• More terrible customer service at Sprint. BAH!!
• How to get postal service.
• About to kill the rottweiler, plus Judd & Bill sing!
• Gertrude hurts herself, and my wallet:



• Vet bills and warning: will cause anal leakage.
• Douche glasses.
• Randomness from the dog walk.
• Hung barbies.
• Um, excuse me, I’m black.
• Amber’s skill and competence.
• Buckley breaks the ice.
• Cuddle time.
• More vet bills. Ugh.
• Spring break, plays, Judd’s birthday, quitting my clerkship.



• You will become trapeze artists!
• I think there’s a drunk Indian in my stairwell…
• The bookkeeper and the dominatrix.
• Meeting Sodaman.
• Deciding not to waste my time.
• My week in pictures.
• The stereotype isle.
• Sick of being Fashionably Fat.
• Jill’s a gambler.
• A reason to finish law school.

April: The batshit-crazy begins.

• Burger King’s tasty snack:



• The dogs can wait.
• Pechman’s recreational fire:



• I am so not slacking.
• Riverdance at Tickles.
• The bullshit.
• Breaks in Dinkytown.
• Family law has gotten completely out of hand.
• The professor’s asides.
• Legal lushes.
• Gertrude meets Jabroni. (And Judd with Jabroni)
• Sofa Burners.
• Bumbling around campus.
• Keeping it stereotypical:



• Mom goes to gay pride in Miami!

• Loverpower Church, St. Mary’s Dome, Scottish Rite Temple, and Lake of the Isles Lutheran
• Food Karma.
• By the train tracks, Mansions, and Tuesdays in Dinkytown.
• Sweat and Irritation.
• The forest by the city.
• Busty seeks Viking Dave.
• The Junkie has a gun:

Judd: “…was…was that a gunshot?”
Me: “Welcome to the neighborhood. Lemme sleep.”
Judd: “…WHAT? Aren’t you going to call the police?”
Me: “…if I called the police every time I heard a gunshot…”
Judd: “But this is RIGHT underneath you…”
Me: “I have international tax law at 8:30am. If I call the police I won’t be awake for class.”

• Yes, it’s totally like an i-Pod.
• What the professors said:

Professor W: “What’s so wrong with swearing? The most wonderful word in the English language is that four letter word that begins with “f” and ends with “k.”

• Puffy and fabulous.
• Brother from a different mother.
• Where is my pity party?
• Wilting Madonna’s specialness:

Middle Aged Lady: “Can I tell you guys something? When I was young I thought I was special. I thought was really special! I thought I was so special that I thought I would have a virgin birth! And it has taken me 55 years to realize I AM NOT SPECIAL. I AM NOT SPECIAL AT ALL!”

• Pea soup, the Dachshund.
• Someone is so getting fired.



• Crazy hobo, crazier comment thread…
• Asides in the outline.

May: Finals, breakups, and parties…

• The Junkie watch.
• Network surprise!
• I’m single again.
• No, no speedos.
• My dog joins a police raid!
• Finals start.
• Exam 1 of 4: Family Law
• Social activities, snot, and speed.
• Saturdays are for tax law and vomit.
• The day before my international tax law exam:



• Exam 2 of 4: International Tax Law…and my soiled diaper.
• Tax out.
• Corporate tax law final,RJ, Brett’s party.
• The curious case of Jansen button.
• 2L year ends, and we celebrate!