10. Jill vs. Professor P.

Prof P: “Let’s see this is a very hard case… Jill let’s start with you!” Jill (loudly): “ARGH!” Prof P: “What was that?” Jill : “Oh nothing!” Prof P: “I thought I heard ‘no’, because if that’s so then I could just move on…” Jill: “Wait, [...]]]> Jill’s top 10 moments:

10. Jill vs. Professor P.

Prof P: “Let’s see this is a very hard case… Jill let’s start with you!”
Jill (loudly): “ARGH!”
Prof P: “What was that?”
Jill : “Oh nothing!”
Prof P: “I thought I heard ‘no’, because if that’s so then I could just move on…”
Jill: “Wait, is that an option!?”
Prof P: “I wouldn’t recommend it.”

SSG Instructor: “You guys haven’t had multifactor balancing tests yet right?”
Jill: “Yeah, in legal writing last semester, but that was a disaster too…”

Professor R: “Is this an incentive for the suspect to run? Often the suspect is younger, doesn’t have heavy equipment, and hasn’t been to the doughnut shop as much…”
Jill: “There’s a middle ground! You don’t haveta shoot him! You can taser him, or beat him with a baton!”

Jill: Are there any bathroom breaks during our six hour deliberations? I want to know whether I should pack a catheter …

Professor T: “So you’re eating at Café X and you crunch into a crouton, which you find out is a roach. What do you do?”
Jill: “Sign up for Fear Factor!”
Professor T: “What’s that? I’m so disadvantaged for not watching TV…”
Jill: “Oh, it’s a show where they pay people to eat bugs.”
Professor T: “And can you get paid by Café X?”
Jill: “Sure.”
Professor T: “And why are they going to pay you?”
Jill: “Because they are scared of getting sued.”
Professor T: “And what if you just saw the roach in your salad and didn’t bite into it?”
Jill: “Well, then I bite into it and then sue.”

Professor R: “I want to schedule a makeup class for April 28 at noon. Does anyone have any conflicts with this?”
Jack: “I do! I do! There is some lunch thing with potential employers on that day.”
Jill (loudly): “Don’t worry. You’re not going to get hired anyway!”

Professor T: “Jill, does your husband have any interest in you?”
Jill: “Besides my sugamomma status?”
Professor T: “Yes a consortium…damages.”
Jill: “But I’m irreplaceable!”
Professor T: “We all are. Well, most of us. Not all of our dogs love us…”

Professor L: “Ms. Dennel? Demmel?”
Jill: “Her name was De-mal. Sarah Demal.”
Professor L: “Yes, so Ms. Dememel? Dennel? Oh forget it! I’ll just call you Ms. D!”
(Class laughs)
Professor L: “So Ms. D…”
Jill: “Actually, I’m Jill. Jill Smith.”
Professor L: “Huh? Where’s Ms. Demmel? Is Ms. Demmel, Dannel, Dennel not here today?”
Jill: “Sarah Demal sat in front of me. She actually dropped out the first week of class…”
Professor L: “OH! That explains things! I just had a note here that she wasn’t here the last time I called on her… hm.”
Jill: “…So do you want me to answer?”
Professor L: “No. I didn’t even want to call on you! Forget it!”
(Class laughs)
Professor L: “This is literally sound and fury signifying nothing…THERE! I got a Shakespeare quote in! ”

---

(later)
Professor L: “Okay, let me turn to…Ms. Chang…oh, she’s not here. She didn’t drop out too right?”

Jack: “Are you looking at my rolly backpack?”
Jill: “Yes. And judging accordingly.”
Jack: “What? I got it for my birthday and I’m so excited about it.”
Jill: “That’s nice.”
Jack: “…I just got sick of carrying so much shit around. I had so many bags and I looked like a homeless person.”
Jill: “You can buy cute bags though. Note my big purse and briefcase. Or, you can try using your locker for books you don’t need.”
Jack: “And I just want my rolly backpack to be socially acceptable!”
Jill: “It never will be.”

Jill’s computer starts speaking during Professor L’s class: “CONGRATULATIONS! YOU’VE WON!” The entire class laughs.

Professor L: “I won’t even try to exercise discipline, because the embarrassment is enough. HOW EMBARRASSING!”

Jill: “Sorry…I had to buy these tickets…and…”

Professor L: “And apparently you’ve won something! I’m sure you’re not the only one who has done such a thing in class, you’re just the only one who has done it with the volume on!”

Appellant’s automobile overturned in a ditch. The police were called. Officers Harold Vines and David Ederington arrived at the scene, and saw a crowd of people gathered there.

The officers got out of the police car and Vines asked if [...]]]> There was much hollering going on in Arkansas…
Wade GRIFFIN, Jr. v. STATE of Arkansas

Appellant’s automobile overturned in a ditch. The police were called. Officers Harold Vines and David Ederington arrived at the scene, and saw a crowd of people gathered there.

The officers got out of the police car and Vines asked if anyone was hurt. Upon receiving a negative response from an unidentified person, Vines then asked who was driving the vehicle.

Appellant, who was standing beside his vehicle, stepped forward, said “I was. I’m not scared, I’ve been in the war. I wasn’t killed over there. I’m not going to be killed here. Take me, G . . . d . . . you, if you can,” and started toward Vines with his fists.

Vines attempted to halt Griffin by use of chemical mace, to no avail. Griffin started hitting the officer, who then attempted to defend himself by striking appellant twice with a “slapper.” A group of young colored males then “swarmed” him. Vines observed that some of the crowd had Ederington down in the street.

Griffin was immediately in front of Vines, swinging at and striking him, while the others came up behind the officer and to his side. They knocked Vines down in the ditch, with all of the participants on top of him. Griffin was then on top of Vines, and the others at his side.

Griffin was beating the officer with his fists and kicking him and “hollering” all the while. At the same time, the other participants were kicking the policeman about his arms and legs, and striking him about his face, nose and side.

They were also “hollering.” Vines, feeling that he and his companion were about to be killed, drew his pistol and fired at appellant, who was still kicking and beating the officer. Griffin was struck about his chest and backed away, as did the others. Vines said, however, that they were all still “hollering” at the police officers, cursing them and saying “that they were going to get us.”

As Ederington went to assist Vines, after having heard Griffin’s statement to the officer when that officer and Griffin started “scuffling,” he was “jumped” by two or three persons from the crowd, and knocked to the street. After he had “scuffed around” with them for three or four seconds he heard the report of a gun and saw everyone start backing away.

From his position on the ground, he then saw Vines leaning against a fence over in the ditch with his nose bleeding. Ederington saw Griffin standing about five feet from Vines. He heard Vines “holler” at the people standing around that if they didn’t want Griffin shot again they had better come get him. At that time Griffin was still trying to advance toward officer Vines. Appellant’s father then came and tried to hold him back.

Griffin v. State, 248 Ark. 1223 (Ark. 1970).

And no, I have no idea why this brawl broke out.

Constitutional law and Contracts were 8-hour “take home” exams. My torts exam was a 4-hour examsoft exam.

Examsoft is a timed, basic version of MS Works, (more like Wordpad). It restarts your computer and locks you out of all other windows functions. When you finish the test, examsoft [...]]]> Yesterday I took my third exam (torts).

Constitutional law and Contracts were 8-hour “take home” exams. My torts exam was a 4-hour examsoft exam.

Examsoft is a timed, basic version of MS Works, (more like Wordpad). It restarts your computer and locks you out of all other windows functions. When you finish the test, examsoft encrypts the test, reboots your computer, and uploads the test to the internet.

The exam was proctored by two intense women – “IS EVERYONE ON THE SAME SCREEN?”

Jill: “Wait! I typed in the wrong exam number.”
Proctor: “You did what? That’s never happened before… Go outside to the computer people and get it fixed. Everyone will be waiting on you.”

Jill gets her computer fixed. The proctor starts counting down to let us start… then,

Proctor #2: “Wait! Those two are sitting next to each other! MOVE ONE SEAT OVER!”
Jack: “Me?”
Proctor #1: “Yes you. You can’t sit next to someone! Move.”

The whole class watched Jack move all of his stuff over. Silence and awkwardness.

We finally get the go-ahead to start. I open the test. The test consists of one 7-page hypo: a Wal-Mart “Department Store” employee gets trampled on Black Friday. His pregnant wife sees the trampling and has a miscarriage. He also has a heart attack that isn’t detected at the hospital.

Oh dear.

After the exam, Stella and I went to a Chinese restaurant near the Stacks. We noticed police lights outside of the restaurant as we paid. We went outside and saw what the remmidemmi was about:

Oops.

Single car accident. His airbag went off.

There’s a presumption of negligence (hah I learned something!) And the cops agreed because they had the driver sitting in the police car. Someday I might represent people like that…assuming I get employed.

I only have one more test to go – Thursday’s Civil Procedure exam. Civil procedure is my favorite class because it’s the “how to be a lawyer” course…although a lot of people seem to hate it.

I have a hard time understanding how someone can attend law school and hate the course about the mechanics of lawyering (how to file a complaint, make motions, etc.)

It’s like a car-mechanic student hating an engine repair class…or a bodybuilder who hates lifting…

Oh, and re: the cold. It wasn’t that bad! The difference between 10 degrees and -30 is akin to Rugg’s negligence distinctions:

“Chief Justice Rugg’s famous distinctions among negligence, gross negligence and recklessness as being distinctions among a fool, a damned fool, and a God-damned fool.” (Harvard Law Record, April 16, 1959.)

Although I did see someone wearing shorts. Yes. Khaki shorts and a parka.

In -30.

His legs were SO red and everyone shot him the, “…no thou didn’t!” look. A housemate pointed out that at -30, you’re an excellent frost bite candidate if you’re wearing shorts…um, yeah….Fail.

Owner: “So where ya from?” Me: “I moved from Miami this past August.” Owner: “OH MY GOD! You poor thing! You must think we’re crazy to live out here in this cold!” Me: “Oh, [...]]]> I went to Frank’s Hotdogs last night and had a chat with the owner (?) she’s a middle aged lady with several kids:

Owner: “So where ya from?”
Me: “I moved from Miami this past August.”
Owner: “OH MY GOD! You poor thing! You must think we’re crazy to live out here in this cold!”
Me: “Oh, it’s not that bad. It’s all about dressing appropriately…”

And then I wake up this morning and check the weather…

And the horror continued as I scrolled down the page…

…um.

Now there are SEVERAL problems with this.

Problem #1: The “feels like” temperature for today is -30.

I cannot fathom. Seriously. I cannot… but, I will have to because I have a torts final in an hour.

Problem #2: “Dangerous” wind chill of -40.

How fast is this wind blowing? 20, or maybe 30mph. I walk to school. Over the Mississippi. On this long-ass bridge:

Problem #3: (and this is the kicker) for tomorrow the high is -18. The description says, “bitterly cold.”

Dear weather channel.com: you’ve set me back a full 10 minutes because I have wrap my mind around this fuckery.

If -18 is bitterly cold…what the heck do you call today’s “feels like” -30?

They haven’t come up with a word have they?  You sent Timmy the Intern outside to feel the -30 and he never came back! Timmy, I have your back. I’ll never forget!

Now there is a positive to all of this: I’m so preoccupied with being offended at the weather (and the weather channel.com!) that the final is not even a remote concern.

Me: “I want to make a decapitated snowman like Jessie, from Boy in Suit!” Jamie: “Uh…no. We can’t do that!” Me: “Why not? It would be the tort snowman! Mr. Palsgraf!” Jamie: “Too stereotypical for this neighborhood. We have too much crime….too much real blood in the snow [...]]]> So the conversation went something like this…

Me: “I want to make a decapitated snowman like Jessie, from Boy in Suit!”
Jamie: “Uh…no. We can’t do that!”
Me: “Why not? It would be the tort snowman! Mr. Palsgraf!”
Jamie: “Too stereotypical for this neighborhood. We have too much crime….too much real blood in the snow for that to be appropriate!”
Me: “But it’s going to be ballin’ outrageous!”
Jamie: “THE FIRST SNOW MAN I MAKE AT MY HOUSE IS NOT GOING TO BE A TORT!”
Me: “Arg! Bitch, moan, plead, interpleader!!”
Jamie: “FINE! MAKE YOUR OWN SNOW MAN!”

So we went outside, and Jamie made his Snow-woman…

That’s a total Charlie Brown pose right there…

The Snow woman? I think it has breasts…and a snow six pack!

Mr. Palsgraf the tort snowman!

Again, this is completely copied from Jessie!

Then Jamie made what he calls a snow angel…

Me: “That does not look like a snow angel.”
Jamie: “What are you talking about? That’s totally a snow angel!”
Me: “Looks more like we forgot to take the lawn furniture in before it started to snow…”
Jamie: “TAKE THAT BACK!”
Me: “No. FAIL! Fail whale fail! Actually…that might be the imprint of the fail whale…”

Jamie then balled up some snow and committed assault and battery. I defended myself and attempted to retreat to the wall…but yeah, a full brawl snow fight erupted. This is the aftermath:

That’s the affect law school has: after studying torts we want to go out and commit them…

“On the other hand there are other kinds of medical malpractice, as where a sponge is left in the plaintiff’s abdomen after an operation, where no expert is needed to tell the jury that such events do not usually occur [...]]]> Whenever I get sick of outlining, my torts book shoots me a jewel like this:

“On the other hand there are other kinds of medical malpractice, as where a sponge is left in the plaintiff’s abdomen after an operation, where no expert is needed to tell the jury that such events do not usually occur in the absence negligence.”

Muhaha. I love it…

Anyhoot, almost done!

Me: “Hm. I’ve been typing for a long time. Let me save this outline before anything happens...”

I click “save” and what happens?

Computer: “GOTCHA!”

Thankfully there’s a recovery option. I try to save the “recovered” outline and the same thing happens…so I had to copy the outline into a new [...]]]> Well, well…

Me: “Hm. I’ve been typing for a long time. Let me save this outline before anything happens...”

I click “save” and what happens?

Computer: “GOTCHA!”

Thankfully there’s a recovery option. I try to save the “recovered” outline and the same thing happens…so I had to copy the outline into a new file…

MS Word shouldn’t mess with me while I’m outling torts. I know my rights and I can make it look like an accident…

A dog is the best law school study buddy ever: unlike humans, a dog can listen to tort theory for hours without actually committing a tort against the babbling law student.

Me: “So, bla bla bla, death, destruction, law suit… this is a situation [...]]]> I’m outlining Torts at Jamie’s house with my study-partner, Maverick.

A dog is the best law school study buddy ever: unlike humans, a dog can listen to tort theory for hours without actually committing a tort against the babbling law student.

Me: “So, bla bla bla, death, destruction, law suit… this is a situation of transferred intent, right?”
Maverick: “Pant, pant, bark, fart, pant-pant…yes, tell me more.”

So that’s my Friday…

Professor T: “Just the aroma of bucks will affect the flavor of the milk… and you thought you came to torts today…so what happens when your neighbor moves in next to you with buck goats?” Jack: “Do they stink?” Professor T: “As my daughter said, it smells worse than a skunk…so your neighbor [...]]]> From Torts:

Professor T: “Just the aroma of bucks will affect the flavor of the milk… and you thought you came to torts today…so what happens when your neighbor moves in next to you with buck goats?”
Jack: “Do they stink?”
Professor T: “As my daughter said, it smells worse than a skunk…so your neighbor moves in with goats and the goats just are doing what goats do: stinking up the whole neighborhood…”