Dennis Jansen - The Official Website » winter

A big dog during winter

Jansen — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 10:04:47 +0000

The nice part about having a big dog during winter is that he doesn’t get cold and pissy like the smaller dogs.

The annoying part about having a big dog during winter is that he doesn’t get cold and pissy like the smaller dogs so the dog walk isn’t shorter just because the wind chill is -20.

Best Week Ever 11: Reboot

Jansen — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 05:20:34 +0000

It feels like fall, it feels like finals.

The leaves lasted for (what feels like) two weeks. Some trees dropped their leaves immediately, whereas others went out in style:

That’s over now. Almost all of the trees are bare. The neighborhood feels both naked and urban because the buildings are no longer hidden by the trees.

The darkness is as glaring as the bare trees. It is pitch black by 5:30pm, so the evening commute feels like 30 days of night with potholes.

But I was warned. When I first came to law school the 2Ls warned me:

Scary 2L: “Finals are bleak. It will be dark when you go to school and dark when you come home.”

Insert a Dr. Evil cackle, and you have your typical doomsday-prophesizing 2L…coming to a cover of an Enquirer near you!

The darkness is why I spend as little time in the law school as possible. The classrooms are in the basement, so students who don’t make an effort to leave for lunch end up as pale as vampires.¹

Besides avoiding vampires, my aim this coming week is to take better care of myself. The past few weeks were disastrous for my health – it’s as if I said, “Hey! Finals are coming up! How about I get as little sleep as possible, eat shitty food, stop working out, and then pump up the caffeine – surely they make caffeine IVs – and then I can have a nice Michael Moore chin to keep me warm and cushy for finals.”

Sexy.

The turkey is the only thing that needs to be festively plump this month.² The marathon training begins in earnest tomorrow. Now excuse me while I get some of that much-needed sleep.

¹ These are the same students who can be found hissing at whisperers in the library… I think they are trying to keep with the theme.
² And the only thing that needs a turkey neck, mmkay?

1up!

Jansen — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 12:14:35 +0000

If I wrote about how I really feel right now, my law school career counselor would probably let out a primal scream and assault me in the hallway.

So, no profanity editorializing – I am just going to state the facts:

It is October 12th around 7am.
The dog needs a-walking.
And this is the scene outside of my window:

Methinks it’s winter now.

Update (post dog walk): so, I officially scrapped tonight’s plans of outlining tax law. Tonight’s new project is teaching Harley how to use a litter box.

The weight of the snow causes mini avalanches from the trees. It feels like the trees are chucking snow down on the sidewalk out of bitterness like “WHY IS THERE SNOW ON ME? I STILL HAVE LEAVES DAMMIT!”

So, I felt like the star of my own video game! I am Super Mario with a golf umbrella and sack of dog poop. The object of the game was to hop around the neighborhood without getting dumped on by the trees. 1up my people!

It was a lot of fun. I take back all my bitching about the snow….which is only getting worse by the way:

First taste of winter

Jansen — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 16:32:21 +0000

It is 5:30am. I have been asleep for exactly 3 hours.¹

I wake up because I feel hot ~~dragon~~ dog breath on my cheek. I open my eyes and glare at Harley.

Harley (nudging me): “I need to go pooooooop.”
Me: “It’s snowing outside. I need sleep.”
Harley: “And I need to release! I need a walk. Now.”
Me: “Nono, you don’t understand. It is cold and SNOWING outside! Hold it! BACK TO BED!”
Harley: “Pooopy time. 5:30 a.m. is POOOPY time!”
Me: “Seriously it is SNOWING!”
Harley: “Listen. You have two options: let your balls drop, get off your ass, and take me outside, or kennel me and mop up my brown river of stink tomorrow.”
Me: “I will kill you.”

So when we get outside…

…Harley stops and looks at me like,

Harley: “Wait! It’s gross and cold…”
Me: “SEE! I told you so! God dammit! I told you so!”
Harley: “I’m a dog. I can’t actually understand a word you say to me.”
Me: “Understand this: you dragged me out of bed and I’m murderous. YOU BETTA SHIT.”

He certainly understood that.

¹Joel and I saw “Paranormal Activity” yesterday. Midnight show.

One of my favorite things about winter

Jansen — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 23:21:26 +0000

One of the coolest things about winter is the dramatic steam-clouds…

(The first picture is now my wallpaper.)

Pictures from Bemidji

Jansen — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 09:47:12 +0000

Here are the pictures from the Bemidji trip: Gallery #1…

… and Gallery #2.

I feel it

Jansen — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 07:42:52 +0000

I finally broke down and bought a face mask.

Stella and I were walking home when the wind smacked us in the face. We stopped, had an “oh hell nah” moment, and went to the Mountaineering store near the law school.

I bought the face mask for $20 and a thermal hat and neck band for $2 each.

The low tonight is -20. According to the local news, tonight is Minneapolis’s coldest night in five years.

The news coverage of the weather is hilarious:

Perhaps all the national attention actually makes us content: The rest of you, you don’t know cold like we know cold. We’ve got salt. We’ve got snowplows. We’ve got stoicism. We can handle it.

The best part of the story was this:

Zielske, who likes to say she “married into this weather,” said her parents love calling her from Nevada to tell her the Twin Cities weather forecast.

“They’re more obsessed with my weather than I am,” she said. “They have no Minnesota connection — they were born and raised in British Columbia and then moved to the Pacific Northwest, and now they live in Las Vegas — but I think they like to gloat that they have a child who is managing to exist in what they consider this kind of deathly, unfriendly, inhuman terrain that we call home.”

My mother does that too! She lives in Miami but is always aware of the Minneapolis weather. She’ll call from the beach and ask, “Is it cold enough for ya?”

I still love Minnesota. Seriously. But tonight you can find me inside, in bed, under 4 blankets, wearing a sweater and two pairs of long johns.

BDT: Early Nights

Jansen — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 08:35:37 +0000

The most surprising thing to about my first Minnesota winter isn’t the cold, but the darkness. These pictures are from around 5pm:

We were warned during orientation: “Winter is miserable. It’s dark when you go to school, and it’s dark when you come back.”

It doesn’t help that the law school classrooms are on a sub-level…

Summer was equally bizarre – when I first moved in August, I was surprised that the sky was still bright at 10pm.

But this isn’t exactly 30 Days of Night. The early nights are healthy. I go to bed earlier and get up earlier to maximize my daylight time. And clubbing? The sun sets at 5pm. Most clubhouses are empty until midnight. By that time it has been dark for 7 hours. No thanks.

Ready…

Jansen — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 04:10:00 +0000

The day started with TruTV , (formerly CourtTV).

I watched about an hour of the Tyler Edmonds murder trial and then went to the law school.

The law school bookstore looked like it was going out of business: a very bored manager and isles full of boxed books. All of the undergrad assistants must still be on break.

Only half of my books were available – not that I’m in any hurry – classes start in two weeks and there are no assignment sheets/syllabi online.

And no, I’m not being gunnertastic – it would be much easier to read at a leisurely pace instead of getting bitch slapped in two weeks with three new classes, job applications, and legal writing.

One of my books for Corporations is three inches thick. My book may be the sole cause of deforestation, global warming, and Seasonal Affective Disorder. The EPA should fine the publisher. The book barely fit in my locker! I eventually (after much heaving and griping) stuffed the brick in my locker.

It’s going to stay there until I get my reading assignments…

After the bookstore I went to Coffman and finished rereading The Broker by John Grisham. I then walked around campus. It was cold, but beautiful.

The only problem with this weather is that I constantly have “let it snow” in my head…

I did some shoveling and then sat down for the Law & Order “mini-marathon” on TNT. The original Law & Order is my favorite show from the franchise because there’s an actual ‘law’ part. SVU and Criminal Intent are almost strictly detective shows. If I want a detective show I’ll watch The First 48.

Winter vacation is nice, but it’s beginning to feel more like rehab than a break. I’m ready to get started again.

Grannies at the airport

Jansen — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 00:16:18 +0000

I’m walking into the airport at 9am. My flight is at 10:50am. I think I’m way too early… until I get to the security check.

Sprawling line. Screaming kids. Annoyed old people.

I stand patiently in the snaking line.

My laptop is out. My coat is off. I have my boarding pass and passport ready – Bring it.

I get near the “show me your boarding pass” podium and see that they are separating us into two lines. There are two podiums “for our convenience.”

Of course, I pick the wrong line.

The line isn’t moving at all. I look ahead and realize why: there are two arthritic, wheel-chair bound grannies at the head of the line.

The security officer is scrutinizing their IDs as if there is a security alert out for a blue-haired bomber.

Everyone in line watched the painfully slow ordeal of Grannie-A taking off her shoes, getting helped out of the wheel chair, and slowly shuffling towards the metal detector.

The airline assistant then folds up Grannie’s wheel chair and shoves her belongings through the x-ray machine.

The metal detector guy has to lead Grannie-A through the machine. Shuffle-shuffle.

He then wands Grannie-A down, and tells her to go to the extra-screening area.

The whole process repeats for Grannie-B.

Once the grannies are out of the way, the line starts moving again…but then a soccer-mom looking woman is pulled aside. Instead a boarding pass, she has this marked up half sheet of paper… it looks more like half of an old boarding pass she found in a trash can.

The four security officers mull over the boarding pass, “this doesn’t look right…” and they eventually send her back to the ticket counter.

The problem is that the woman’s husband and daughter already have their shoes off and all of their belongings in the buckets. The officer calls the father over,

Security: “Sir, please gather your belongings and come with us.”
Father: “What’s the problem?”
Security: “Sir, we need you to get your things and come over here.”
(Now angry) Father: “You mean I have to put my shoes, sweater, coat, and all that other stuff back on and get out of the line?”
Security: “Yes. And then come over here to the side.”

The father is not thrilled. He storms back to the metal table and tells his daughter to put her coat and shoes back on. The security people watch the father bitch… and they mutter about what a jackass he is “less than professional” comments.

I eventually get through security and check the flight arrival screen.

My flight’s delayed. Snow in Iowa or something….so I wait at the airport McDonald’s.

There are families with litters of small children and serious men clutching newspapers.

There’s also a bar (The Lodge) across the hallway. It’s 9:30am and there’s a guy finishing what’s definitely not his first…

The free wireless at the airport is limited, but it lets me go to the airport website.

I load the MSP-Airport website to check my flight time. A page loads with the following disclaimer:

Flight Information

The arrival and departure information contained within the following link is obtained from a source other than the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. The Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport accepts no responsibility regarding the accuracy of this information and is not responsible for typos, errors or inaccuracies of any kind.
http:// flightarrivals.com

I follow the link. Flightarrivals.com doesn’t have any record of my flight’s delay. Fail.

So, curious, I go back to the MSP-Airport site and read their terms of service. The whole electronic contracting/ browsewrap reading from Contracts came back to me.

From the terms of service:

The user of the Metropolitan Airports Commission’s (“MAC”) website expressly agrees that use of the MAC’s website is at the user’s sole risk.

… The MAC makes no representations or warranties, express or implied, with respect to the use of or reliance on the data provided on the website, regardless of its format or means of transmission. There are no guarantees or representations to the user as to the accuracy, currency, completeness, suitability, or reliability of the data on the website, for any purpose. The data published on the website could contain technical inaccuracies or typographical errors. The user accepts the data “as is,” and assumes all risks associated with its use.

The MAC assumes no responsibility for any damages resulting from, caused by, or associated with the user’s reliance on or use of the data, use of the website, or for the delay or inability to use this website, even if appraised of the likelihood of such damages occurring.

In regular-speak that means: “this information may or may not be correct and sucks for you if it’s not.”

And because they outsourced their flight time info, it’s a “double sucks for you, we aren’t responsible.”

Great. Thanks.

Luckily the limited wireless also loaded nwa.com, which had accurate information…

The plane lands in Miami. We are standing in the isle, bags in hand… first class is already off the plane, but no one else is moving…

Why?

The grannies. Grannie-A and Grannie-B are on the plane. Canes in hand…shuffling.

Bah! Took about 10 minutes for them to get off.